Greetings from Fake America

Jobs: What America Needs

2011-10-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight I sit here sad, broken, mournful, but also hopeful, inspired, energized.

As I pounded through my set on the elliptical machine at my local NYSC this evening, I caught a glimpse of a TV screen on the machine in front of me. The lower-third graphic read "Breaking News" and then they cut to a picture of Steve Jobs. Without hearing the audio, I knew. My heart sank. The tears welled in my eyes. An ache quickly developed in my chest. The people to my left and my right picked up on my vibe and switched their respective televisions to MSNBC. The people to my left and my right zeroed in on my purple Lustgarten Foundation "Cure Pancreatic Cancer" bracelet and I could see them in my peripheral vision looking at me with sympathy - an unspoken act of solidarity that advanced my emotional state to one of clarity. Perhaps it was the fact that I had not yet eaten dinner and was sweating enough to make Noah put and extra coat of sealant on the ark, but I began to see the ray of sunlight through the dark clouds.

I lost my uncle to Pancreatic Cancer in July of this year. He was 48. It didn't hit me until tonight how surreal it still seems. He lost his battle little more than 10 months after his diagnosis. It was initially thought that he could have the Whipple Procedure, which would have given him a shot at survival. Due to several setbacks he was unable to have that opportunity and we lost him all too quickly. Granted, anytime would have been too soon, but we barely had the chance to come to terms with the disease itself let alone his imminent mortality.

When he was first diagnosed, my thoughts immediately fell to Steve Jobs. I saw a man who - 7 years earlier - had been diagnosed with PC and, with the help of the Whipple Procedure, had beaten the disease into remission. Although I had heard reports of his declining health, I still remained optimistic - strengthened by the now defunct theory that if you have money, you can live forever. When the phrase "Whipple Procedure" started getting thrown around regarding my uncle, we were all ecstatic, electric with the notion that this now widely-accepted procedure could save our loving uncle, brother, father, and child. Even after initial delays, I was still optimistic that with Sloan Kettering's help we would not have to attend our third funeral in 4 years and we would not all have to watch my grandmother go through the pain of burying another child. Regretfully, our wish was not granted.

After my Uncle Jim died in 2007 I decided that from then on I would resolve to carry on with my life the day after a funeral and to not wallow in sorrow. 4 years and two more loved ones later, I am still grieving for Jim in addition to Phil (my grandfather) and now David. Tonight as I exercised for the first time in nearly a year and learned of the Superman-of-Pancreatic-Cancer's death, I hurt deeply, but I was transformed.

Now with a full gym membership, thanks to the best company I have ever had the pleasure of working for, I plan to make a real commitment to myself. In the past my commitments were to my parents, my friends, my ex-girlfriends. The thing that was always missing was me.

As new age-y as this may sound, I am in control of my destiny. I need to be around for my future wife and kids. I need to be around for my future grandkids. What the hell I'll be optimistic: great-grandkids. I am tired of being afraid of what might come when I can do whatever I can in my capacity to make sure what may come is a future filled with love, health, and emotional wealth.

It remains to be seen if I will keep to it starting tomorrow, but I am going to attempt to start doing at least 30 minutes on the elliptical during lunch every work day from now on for as long as I possibly can. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not optimistic that I will not punk out. I have a long history of not following through, but I hope like I've never hoped before that I can sling that gym bag over my shoulder tomorrow morning.

That being said, I challenge all of you to pick something that scares you and face it head on. No matter how unoptimistic you are, no matter how much you'd rather lay on the sofa and catch up on your DVR or download the latest New York Times bestseller to your Kindle, just fucking do it. Seriously.

If you see me not doing something to better my life, kick me in the ass...lightly please.

A great thing to do if you can't think of any ideas is to help raise money for a charity that you feel close to. Unfortunately, there are several causes I feel strongly about, but my current priority is Pancreatic Cancer research.

The last three times I've played a show, I've left a basket out in front and asked everyone to spare a little something for the Lustgarten Foundation. So far I have raised a few hundred dollars. Not much, but it's a few hundred dollars more that the Lustgarten Foundation did not have before. Just sayin', but I have a show coming up Saturday, October 15th at Waltz-Astoria in Astoria. [My tourism ad proposal: It's Not Queens, It's Astoria!]

If you would like to make a donation, please visit http://www.lustgarten.org. For just $5 you can get a Cure Pancreatic Cancer bracelet for you or a loved one. I wear mine at all times, regardless of dress code and I like think of it as a great conduit through which to channel your inner strength.

In 2005 Steve Jobs delivered the keynote address to Stanford University. It is one of the most moving, inspiring speeches I have ever heard. His wealth and fame never clouded or masked his true genuine self, and if that doesn't make him special in it's own right, he was an incredible philanthropist not just of the wallet, but of the heart and unbreakable human spirit.

This May Scare the S#!t Out of Congress...

2011-03-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

I can't possibly think of a more cliche set up for this post. I'm sitting with my MacBook at a coffeeshop in Park Slope, Brooklyn, drinking loose leaf tea, wearing a humorous t-shirt I purchased on Woot, about to blog about Liberal politics...oh, and I'm a Secular Jew. So am I automatically cast in the next Seth Rogen movie or what?

Okay...onto my point of writing this.

As you can see, I do not post to this blog nearly as often as I would like, or should. However, whenever I get an idea of which I feel strongly enough, I feel compelled to fire up my Blogger account and plunk away.

This morning in the shower I had an epiphany: Term limits for all members of Congress.

I think I seriously just heard the sound of everyone in the U.S. Capitol simultaneously soiling themselves.

But honestly - how have we as a people not yet demanded that of our elected leaders? Is it just easier not to have to think about who to vote for every 2, 4, and 6 years? If we have term limits for President, we should have term limits for the rest of our elected officials.

The minute someone is elected to the House of Representatives - before they even stick their first wad of chewing gum under their desk on the house floor - their reelection campaign begins. How was that EVER thought of as conducive to doing an effective job in writing the legislation that rules our country?

What if after their first reelection, they actually had to concentrate on making the next 2 years count because they will not get another chance at it unless they run for Senate or President? What if Senators could only serve 2 terms as well and had to make their time in office count instead of childish partisan bickering and/or a hostile hostage-taking of the American electorate?

Could you imagine a country in which our elected officials actually knew what it was like to work a temp job and have to look for full time work? I think the benefits for the unemployed and/or those without healthcare would be phenomenally better. Career politicians never have to worry about where their next meal is coming from or where they'll sleep at night. Terms limits would give a much needed dose of reality to a brutally out-of-touch legislature.

And what a better way to incapacitate Corporate America's stranglehold on our elected officials than the reality that the politician they're pouring millions of dollars into will only have 4-12 years in office?

When a President is in his second term, he is thought of to be a lame duck. But what if the playing field were leveled and several members of Congress were ALSO in their lame duck sessions? Would that not promote hunkering down and actually getting some work done that might HELP the American people?

Ironically, our "free" society might have to take the lead of several countries that have been ruled by dictatorships for decades. The people of Tunisia, Egypt, and Libya have risen up this year to demand a change in the direction of their respective nations. The only difference between us and them is that their leaders have not hesitated to use violent means against their own people to attempt to prevent that change. Granted, our country has had some mishaps in the past (the last one of note that I can remember was the shooting of four students at Kent State), but the only thing standing in the way of a popular uprising in this country is a bunch of shrimpy, nerdy politicians and some assembly permits.

I'm sure the FBI will start a file on me for suggesting that we follow the lead of our brothers and sisters in Wisconsin and take to the streets to demand necessary changes in the way our government is run.

Why are we so lethargic as a nation? We've allowed ourselves to become lobotomized by the news media, whose journalistic paths have been dictated by the highest levels of our government. It needs to stop. Seriously...point your browser to Al Jazeera English once in awhile and see how stupid the American media has been in demonizing them. Their coverage of world events is as good - if not better - than (dare I say it?) the BBC.

If you feel me, if you want to help out, or you just like my writing style - please help me spread the word. One man may not be able to change the world, but he can hopefully inspire others to join together in a perfect (gasp) union. Power in numbers, baby.

21,000 Teachers to be Cut in NYC?

2011-01-31T14:50:00.000-08:00

I read a blog post today that made me angry for two reasons:

1. The possibility that 21,000 NYC teachers may lose their jobs

2. The guy who wrote the post took it as an opportunity to blame Obama for it

As I'm sure the guy who wrote the blog is either a Conservative or a Castro-esque extreme Leftist, my comment will probably not make it past moderation. So here it is in all it's unedited glory:

You cannot blame President Obama for our economic woes. There was a guy in office for 8 years before him who drove this country straight into the ground and lied every time he was in front of a microphone, so spare us the Conservative bullshit.

President Obama was not “lying” that the economy is getting better. It is getting better as a whole. And a better economy does not necessarily translate into more jobs – it just means bigger cash flow in and around the country (to big business and government). The NYC economy and the US economy are not linked at all whatsoever. New York State’s economy has been run by thugs since the dawn of time and that is the reason why we’re in this mess in our state, not President Obama.

Bloomberg has mismanaged the city’s finances because all he knows how to do is make investments. And since he trusted large amounts of the city’s budget to investments pre-2008, we lost a ton of money thanks to people like Bernie Madoff and the brokerage firms that are now back on top while many of us starve.

The corporations, banks, and investment firms are all doing better than they’ve ever done before because the Bush Administration gave them BILLIONS of dollars with ZERO accountability and never demanded they pay back their bailouts. Goldman Sachs has our country’s economy by the balls. It’s them you should direct your anger towards, not President Obama.

Lastly, the threat of cutting 21,000 teachers from NYC schools is exactly that – a threat. Bloomberg has a long history of threatening NYC taxpayers and Albany to get the funding he needs to run the city. He did it with the MTA and he’s doing it with the schools. Albany is still run by thugs and the only way to get something from a mobster is to stoop to his level.

So again, stop blaming President Obama for every little thing and do a little digging to find out what the real cause of all of this was. We as a citizenship are largely to blame given our spending beyond our means and defaulting on mortgages we never should have qualified for in the first place.

The Jew Scream

2010-08-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

Come on, all the cool kids are doing it.

Can you beat this?

The Dark Side of Vitaminwater

2010-08-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

I read an article on HuffPo today about a non-profit public interest group that is suing Coca Cola - claiming that Vitaminwater is falsely marketed as a healthy beverage. Coca Cola's response was not so diplomatic, saying "no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking vitaminwater was a healthy beverage."

[O RLY? YA RLY! NO WAI!]

As much as I am for the little guy, and while I think their response was pretty shitty in an Irwin Mainway's Bag O' Glass kinda way (did I just date myself?), I also don't believe that a company like Coca Cola has a responsibility to keep us healthy. They are out to make money like everyone else. However, if an investigation were to uncover a lack of vitamins in vitaminwater, I could certainly see merit in this case.

The label of any given vitaminwater says it provides at least 100% of your daily recommended Vitamin C intake...that's more than anyone can say about Coke or Pepsi. If vitaminwater does not have the amount of Vitamin C that its label claims, that amounts to fraud and they should rightly be prosecuted for that.

But of course it's full of sugar and probably chemical food coloring...that's how mass-produced food is made for widespread consumption. To sue on the grounds that the consumer has no personal responsibility to look at a food label is irresponsible itself.

The upside to vitaminwater is that they don't use high fructose corn syrup. Now, whether or not this crystalline sucrose (or whatever) that they use is just as unhealthy remains to be seen...it could be even worse for all we know.

But why is the producer responsible for our poor nutritional choices if they disclose a given food's contents on the label?

Why is it okay for people sue McDonald's because they claim they didn't know eating Big Macs would make them fat? NEWSFLASH: If you eat something and your heart races and your breathing slows, it's probably bad for you.

Wow, I can't believe I'm defending a corporation...I feel like a Republican! Now where's my tax cut and free money?? :-)

The "Ground Zero Mosque"

2010-08-04T05:28:00.000-07:00

I need to get this off my chest. If it causes me to lose friends, so be it. I can be silent no longer.

I'm sickened by the hatred and bigotry being spewed in the wake of the Cordoba Initiative's plans to build a community center some three blocks from Ground Zero.

It has become known as the "Ground Zero Mosque." While factually and geographically inaccurate, the community center's protesters argue that having a mosque "at Ground Zero" is offensive to the friends and families of those who perished in the 9/11 attacks.

I'm not going to pretend that I had a dear loved one who died that day, but I have lost close family members to other unfair circumstances that were beyond my control and I can understand the despair and pain. However, I did know people from my life who died that day, I am a New Yorker, and one of my earliest memories is walking through WTC 1 with my dad when he would take me to his office across the street. I felt sucker-punched in the gut on 9/11 and I'm still haunted by the sights and sounds of that day.

That being said, the protesters - by protesting CI's plans - are saying that they equate Islam with terrorism. They are allowing and enabling the actions of a few to speak for an entire religion.

If it is the "right" way to think to allow a handful of evil people to hijack a religion, then should we not also protest St. Peter's which is near Ground Zero? The Catholic Church has destroyed way more than 3,000 lives by robbing children of their innocence.

Although to be fair, when Stuyvesant ran NYC he wouldn't allow Synagogues or Catholic Churches to be built -- that's why St. Peter's wasn't built until the 1830s.

People protesting the faiths of others have always been on the wrong side of history...this instance is no different.

And how would using 9/11 to discriminate against an entire religion help us progress as a species? How would it ward off violent extremism in the future? Violence and hatred breeds violence and hatred, folks.

As a Jew, as a New Yorker, as someone who knew people who died on 9/11, having a community center 3 blocks away from Ground Zero that just happens to have a room for prayer does not offend me.

Islam did not attack the US on 9/11. Violent extremists - like those who kill abortion doctors and blow up government buildings - attacked us. The only way to combat extremism is to adopt a policy of tolerance and acceptance of all people regardless of their race, religion, size, gender, sexuality, or anything else that makes us different from one another. In the end, we are all humans.

For another great take on this issue, check out Peter Beinart's August 2nd op-ed on The Daily Beast.

Dear Mr. Huckabee...

2010-04-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's been a long time since I last posted. However, I just received the following letter from a friend on behalf of her friend...who happens to be Steve McDonagh from the Food Network. He wrote an open letter to former Governor Huckabee in hopes of provoking a change of heart given Huckabee's verbal assaults on the Gay community.

Mr Huckabee,

You may know me from Food Network. My partner, Dan Smith, and I are The Hearty Boys. We're Chicago caterers, restaurateurs, cookbook authors and most importantly, dads. Dan and I have been in a stable, monogomous, loving, positive, nurturing and healthy realationship for 13 years. We were blessed to adopt our son, Nate, at his birth 4 1/2 years ago.

Sir, your comments likening my parenting my son to adopting a pet are beyond hurtful and dangerous. My love, passion and commitment to Nate is not one iota different than what you have for John Mark, David and Sarah. Our son is loved and cared for just as much. He feels just as loved and cared for. He is a happy, well adjusted little guy whom I fiercely love.

Mr Huckabee, I invite you to spend the evening with us at our home in Chicago next time you come through. You need to understand and see firsthand what a family like ours is like. We are no less a family than yours, and in fact, we are healthier and more stable than most.

Americans are no longer going to sit silent as our families are attacked. And even though I find your comments reprehensible and irresponsible, I will open my home to you and pray that we might help you better understand the damage you could inflict.

Steve McDonagh

Help a Veteran Keep His Job

2009-06-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a little while since I've posted, but even among the hoopla surrounding the deaths of David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson, I haven't had the time or the motivation to post.

However, today I was alerted to a case that involves one of my number one political priorities: Civil Rights.

Lt. Dan Choi (please spare the Lt. Dan jokes, huh?) is a West Point graduate and Iraq War veteran. This coming Tuesday, he will be forced to face a military panel of colonels who will decide his future in the Army National Guard.

"What did he do" you might ask? Did he intentionally shoot fellow officers? No. Did he go AWOL? No. Did he attack unarmed Iraqi civilians? No.

Lt. Choi is facing expulsion from the military because he is Gay.

This man, who served honorably in Iraq, and is fluent in Arabic, might be stripped of his dignity and discharged from the military for a "moral and professional dereliction" under the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

The Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy is the sole reason why I will never be 100% cool with Bill Clinton. He was an amazing President for the most part, but his concessions to the Christian Right with the Defense of Marriage Act and Don't Ask, Don't Tell have defiled the Constitution and bred discrimination of the worst kind.

Granted, we have made some progress from the days when a serviceman could be jailed for being Gay, but in this day and age - in this time of uncertainty and chaos in the world, how can we as a country afford to kick talented individuals like Lt. Choi out of the military simply because of his sexual orientation?

There is a great organization called the Courage Campaign, which has been charged with organizing a grassroots effort to bring about progressive change in California. The have organized a petition campaign for ordinary civilians like you and me to voice our support for this veteran.

Show your support by signing the petition, and maybe even leaving a comment in your own words. Below is what I wrote:

The notion that a man of Lt. Choi's caliber would be discharged because of his sexual orientation is despicable and moreover a threat to our national security. Our military needs talented individuals like Lt. Choi to track down terrorists and stop attacks before they're put into motion. One's personal life has no place on the battlefield regardless of orientation. Everyone has taken the same oath and they have all pledged to serve and protect this country. It is shameful for our Government to think that a Gay member of the military has any less control over their actions than a Heterosexual serviceperson. Do your duty as protectors of freedom and secure this man's job so that he may continue to keep us all safe.

I encourage you all to get involved in this campaign. If we are successful in trying to save this man's job, it could set a very positive precedent for our military and the country as a whole.

Vegetarian Cincinnati Chilli

2009-04-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me well, you know I enjoy cooking. And for those of you who knew me when I ate meat regularly, you know that Cincinnati chili was one of my favorite things to make. When I gave up meat in November (okay, I've cheated a couple of times since then, but I've all but completely eliminated red meat), I knew chili would be something I'd miss. Yeah, there's vegetarian chili, but it usually has this nasty bitter taste and no heft to it at all. But, I discovered Morningstar Farms Meal Starters, which is basically "fake" ground beef (which is largely made out of vegetable/soy protein). The look, texture, and taste are virtually indistinguishable. So, last night I decided to take my classic Cincinnati chili recipe...veggie style. The results were delicious. Recipe below:

* 2 tablespoons vegetable oil (I used olive oil)
* 1 onion, chopped (I use vidalia...chop 2 if you like raw onions on your chili)
* 2 cloves garlic, minced (I used 4)
* 2 tablespoons chili powder
* 2 tablespoons sweet paprika
* 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin (optional)
* 1 teaspoon ground allspice
* 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander (optional)
* 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
* 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
* 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves (optional)
* 1 12 oz package of Morningstar Farms Meal Starters: Grillers Burger Style Recipe Crumbles
* Kosher salt
* 1 6-ounce can tomato sauce
* 1 cup diced tomatoes (canned is fine)
* 1 bay leaf
* 2 tablespoons chopped unsweetened chocolate (I just threw in a handful of chocolate chips)
* 1 tablespoon cider or red wine vinegar
* 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce (optional)
* Freshly ground pepper
* 12 ounces cooked spaghetti (optional...I used brown rice)
* 1 19-ounce can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
* Grated cheddar cheese

Directions

Heat the oil in a medium Dutch oven or heavy pot over medium heat. Add the chopped onions and the garlic and cook until soft, stirring, about 5 minutes. Add the chili powder, paprika, cumin, allspice, coriander, cinnamon, cayenne and cloves (I combine them all in one bowl so I can dump it all in at once). Cook, stirring, until fragrant. Add the "beef" and cook the mixture, stirring, until the "beef" and onions are all coated and heated through, about 2-5 minutes. Add 1 tablespoon salt.

Add the tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, bay leaf and 1 1/2 cups water; simmer the mixture, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until slightly thicker. Add the chocolate, vinegar and Worcestershire and cook until the mixture is thickened but still soupy, about 15 more minutes.

Discard the bay leaf and season the chili with the freshly ground pepper. Divide the spaghetti (or rice) among bowls and top with the chili, beans, remaining onion (if you want) and cheddar.

When it's done, it should look like this:

Funny Shirt...

2009-04-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Normally you know I don't like to incite (hehe), but I saw a shirt on CafePress today (via @ThinkAtheist on Twitter) that had me laughing. Here is the text:

Christianity:

The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Makes perfect sense.

Oh, and Happy Earth Day!

There's a Storm Gathering...

2009-04-13T09:29:00.001-07:00

...against bigots who try to make Gay Marriage seem like the effing apocalypse.

Last year, I had the great fortune of linking up with a fantastic group of people who are all a part of the amazing comedy troop, Shoot the Messenger. I have posted some of our work in the past (see The Joe Biden Commemorative Plate ad), but I believe this is our crowning achievement.

I'm sure by now you've all see the National Organization for Marriage's "Gathering Storm" ad? Well we decided to spend our Easter Sunday crafting a brilliant response. We're already on the Huffington Post, and the video is quickly gaining steam...please send this to everyone you know...even homophobes...maybe it will make them realize how ridiculous they are. Enjoy!

To Engage an Anti-Semite

2009-04-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's been a long time since I've blogged. But I felt inspired today by a rabid Anti-Semite I encountered on YouTube.

As many of you know, I run a speaker bureau and one of my clients is the brilliant Jewish hip hop artist, educator, and activist, Y-Love (aka Yitz Jordan). Last month, we completed a great new demo video to introduce him to the PR and speaking communities (shot and directed by the wickedly talented Evan Kleinman). I put the video on the Top 20 video sharing sites in an effort to reach a larger audience. Obviously, the video is on YouTube (see below):

It's been up since last month and since then we've gotten a good amount of views, but only one comment so far. That was, until this morning. I received a notification e-mail because (thankfully) I have the comments set on "by approval only." The comment was from a user named SuDurenHohn and said "fucking jew ! get outta here ...."

I went to his page on YouTube to see what this guy was about...one of his "favorite" videos is Y Love and DeScribe's music video for Change. I immediately though "oh, he must be a friend of Y Love's and he's just trying to be funny."

I decided to e-mail him and this is the exchange that ensued. Enjoy, my Semitic-lovin' friends (this is an exact cut-and-paste):

To: SuDurenHohn
Subject: Anti-Semitism

Your comments will not be tolerated. Hating people simply because of their religion is an ignorant way to live.
_________________________________________

From: SuDurenHohn
Subject: Re: Anti-Semitism

Heil Hitler!

there r a lot of reasons why we should hate jews .... and u know it ... so don't act like a nut, if u ain't a jew, but u r!!!
_________________________________________

To: SuDurenHohn

Normally I don't engage morons, but I'm anxious to hear your argument for why "we" should hate an entire group of people.

Let me guess: Jews run the media, they control the money in the world, they're liars, they're cheaters, blah blah blah.

Do you have a specific argument that doesn't involve a tired stereotype? If so, I'd be anxious to hear it.

If you hate Jews so much, why would you watch this video?

People who hate are pretty fascinating...I just don't get it.
________________________________________

From: SuDurenHohn

now...
we should not hate an "entire group of ppl". we should hate JEWS and everybody else who destroy or adventure the universal peace. anyway, we should not HATE, but we must know.

well, yes you are right: Jews run the media, they control the money in the world, they're liars, they're cheaters, blah blah blah.... you can't deny this, unless u r a jew. i used to hang around with some jews and guess what...: they did NOT spend money for nothing. they always asked us if we buy them some shit. we stopped hangin with them, of course. i always used to be tolerant but after these fools, i HATE JEWS !!!!!

just take a look back to fuckin history. since jews appear for the first time in the world, they're makin nothin but trouble. jew have always been (and still are) the world's biggest problem. since the olde rome till now (israel, palestina)

y i watch this video? because i LOVE HIP HOP and i just clicked a fuckin Jew raping ( raping, not rapping...) my favorit music, sOOOOOOOOOO BAAAAADDD !!!!! it makes me hate'em more.....

if u r a jew, then it's senceless to discuss. cuz your people always think they're right, no matter what!
________________________________________

To: SuDurenHohn

This isn't necessarily about right or wrong. It's about ignorance versus education. Through education, clear choices can be made.

You have obviously had a bad experience with a handful from one particular group of people, so you have chosen to hate that entire group of people.

Honestly, if you want to talk about guilt by association, I could talk your ear off about you being from Germany. Yes, I am a Jew btw. Germans tried to extinguish an entire group of people because one guy thought similarly to you and took advantage of a war-torn country in the midst of a Depression.

Do I hate all German people? No. Do I have a healthy fear that it could happen again? Well, with the rabid Anti-Semitism I've seen online lately, it's not unlikely.

Before I went to college I had a somewhat bigoted view towards Muslims. That is because I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood and was influenced by the media (which, I can assure you is not "owned" by Jews...Rupert Murdoch - President of Fox - is not a Jew, Jeffrey Immelt - President of GE - is not a Jew, the president of General Motors is not either...they own Fox, NBC, and CBS...)

My first roommate in college was a Muslim. He turned out to be one of the best friends I've ever had. We had very civilized discussions about Israel/Palestine and about Muslim-Jew relations. Perhaps it is because we both grew up in households that heavily favored education and tolerance.

If you do look back throughout history, Jews were not causing trouble. However, because they have always been a minority in the world, they have been an easy target when economies sour.

To this day, Jews make up a tiny fraction of the world's population, yet we're still here. You know why? Because - as a whole - we contribute to society. The greatest advancements in medical and military technology were created by people who happened to be Jewish. It is not BECAUSE they are Jewish, but because Jewish culture heavily values education and striving to better oneself.

Do I hate you because of the terrible things you've said? No. You know why? Because I believe you are ignorant. It's nothing to necessarily be ashamed about, but you will live a much happier life if you educate yourself, learn how to be tolerant, and try to better yourself.
_________________________________________

From: SuDurenHohn

i educate myself day by day by readin. i want to be intelligent and shit... and i'm not intolerant, i'm pissed. but you... you one "smart ass" jew, just like almost all of you. you think you such a good man, and this is what makes me mad at you. it's the "i'm better and more intelligent" attitude. see, most people don't give a FUCK about morals n shit... but you got the power, although you a minority of 15 million.
_________________________________________

To: SuDurenHohn

Intelligence and ignorance are two very different things. You can be a nuclear physicist but still be ignorant.

I never claimed to be better than you, I'm trying to have a rational discussion with you which is proving futile.

I'm not sure where this "Jews control everything" rumor came from, but if there's any truth to it, maybe it is because - like I said - our culture focuses on education.

My e-mail offered advice to help you not be such a hateful person. Then again, feel free to continue hating the way you do...your lifespan will be significantly shorter and will do the world good.

And hating out of jealousy is probably one of the most ignorant things you could ever do.

You could cure your ignorance by reading, provided you're not reading Nazi literature. Try picking up a newspaper or a textbook. Non-fiction will give you a fresh perspective on the world rather than your fantasy novels about Jews ruling the world.

If we truly did run the media, don't you think we'd try to steer the world towards a positive view of us?

Just think about why you hate...you'll find it's mostly bullshit.
_______________________________________

From: SuDurenHohn

sitting on a full purse of money, being richly, pointing a finger on me and sayin "you are ignorant, because you're jelous"..... THAT is ignorant. cuz your people only care about YOUR people. and your people mostely are rich. in my eyes this is ignorant. i'm no zionist or smth, i don't believe that you r tryin to control the whole world, but i'm kind of anti-semit, because you're fine - we're not. we care, you don't. world ain't fair and it's never been.

maybe you'll find a way to understand why my people and all the other people can't love your people. for me, there are three facts....
jews are avaricious
jews occupied palestina !!!
jews rule the "big" money

if i'm wrong, please tell me why we should love or like jews.... why?
_______________________________________

Now...the real question: Do I continue this back and forth or do I give up? Thoughts?

Despite all the terrible typos, I'm somewhat impressed that he used the correct spelling of "your."

I know it's silly to engage these idiots, but sometimes I just can't help myself. :-)

New Recipe!

2009-02-25T20:56:00.000-08:00

I decided to make up a new recipe tonight for dinner. It's slightly based off a dish that my ex-girlfriend used to make, but this is way better. :-)

I posted this picture of it on Facebook and a friend of mine asked for the recipe. I had kind of made it up as I went along, so I had to retrace my steps. However, i surprised myself and wrote out a very detailed set of instructions.

So, here it is...Capellini Hebrewzzi!

1/2 red onion (diced)
1/2 lemon (juiced)
1 red bell pepper (diced)
4-5 garlic cloves (chopped)
1 qt. vegetable broth
1/2 box sliced white button mushrooms
1 can whole stewed Roma tomatoes
A few kalamata handfuls of fresh spinach
Small handful of olives, halved
Feta, to taste
Olive oil
Crushed red pepper
Salt & pepper, to taste
1 box of pasta (I use Angel Hair)
Freshly grated Parmesan or Romano cheese for garnish

In a large pot, bring vegetable stock, lemon juice, half the garlic, sprinkle of salt, a few grinds of black pepper, and a good amount of crushed red pepper to a boil. Cook the pasta in the stock according to the directions on the box (maybe 1-2 minutes longer).

In a large skillet, sauté the garlic and onions in olive oil. Once the garlic has browned and the onions begin to become transparent, throw in the mushrooms. Once those start cooking, put in the bell pepper. Next add the tomatoes and a little bit of the juice from the can. Add the olives and spinach. Keep turning everything in the skillet with a pair of tongs to make sure the spinach is wilting and all the ingredients are getting mixed up evenly.

Drain the pasta, but don't wash it off (you want the bits of garlic and crushed red pepper to stick to some of the pasta strands). Then dump the pasta back into the pot. Mix in as much feta as you want into the still hot pasta. Next, pour the spinach mixture over the top of the pasta and toss it together with the tongs. Transfer to serving bowl and top with freshly grated parm or romano cheese.

Let me know if you try it and how it turns out! :-)

The Near Miss

2009-02-11T11:47:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but I was watching Keith Olbermann last night and, as he often does, blew my mind with this tidbit. According to Rep. Paul Kanjorski (D-PA), our country - and the rest of the free world - nearly entered the Third World within a span of 24 hours. Back in September, when Lehman Brothers collapsed, close to half $1 trillion was pulled out of our nation's banks by consumers with money market accounts. Thankfully, the Treasury pumped a few hundred billion into the system and shut down the entire banking system and bumped up the FDIC guarantee to $250,000 per account to stave off anymore panic. Had they not done that, the entire world economy would have collapsed overnight. It's amazing that none of that information had come to light until recently. This is truly fascinating and had to share:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Joseph, Where Are You With Your Technicolor Dreamcoat?

2008-12-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, I had a really strange dream last night...and normally I don't dream (either that or I never have memorable ones), but this morning I woke up pissed off at Joe Biden. Allow me to explain:

So, I'm sleeping...it's probably early morning...Someone shakes me out of my slumber. It's Vice President-elect Joe Biden...he has somehow gotten into my apartment. He goes "Here" as he slips a MacBook (a G4 mind you...wtf Joe?) in front of me and starts telling me what to type and where. I don't really remember what it was that I was typing - was I inadvertently sending nuclear codes to Russia? Was I transferring money from the Treasury into a bank account in the Cayman Islands? Did I just put up weapons-grade Plutonium on eBay? I have no clue...I was still in a daze. But through it all he was very cold to me and acted like I owed him something. What the hell did I do, Joe? I voted for YOU...YOU owe ME!

After that incredibly surreal exchange, he picks up my newly purchased vintage Guild acoustic guitar (they're even rarer to find in the left-handed variety...and I don't really have one, but I did in my dream) and says "I need this for a gig I'm doing later." Joe effin' Biden plays guitar? AND he's a lefty? How did I not know this throughout the election cycle?

So he swipes my guitar (in the case that my mom got me for Chanukah about 10 years ago) and walked out the door.

The whole day goes by, and as I'm walking back from the store, I notice my guitar case sitting on a staircase. The case is slightly ajar, so I open it to find my once beautiful guitar completely destroyed. The neck is missing, the strings are gone, and the body has deep scratches - almost as if someone was trying to strip the finish off. Joe effin' Biden broke into my apartment, made me do some kind of illegal Government business on a sorry excuse for a MacBook, borrowed my awesomely rare guitar without asking, and then destroyed it without telling me?!

Was this payback for the Commemorative Plate ad?

The Joe Biden Commemorative Plate

2008-12-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

The holidays are upon us, and we are living in a new age - full of hope, excitement, and hopefully some employment.

What better way to say "I love you" that with the gift of The Joe Biden Commemorative Plate: Collateral Victory? Please enjoy this informational video on how to get your hands on one before they're all gone!

Gay Rights: My New Priority

2008-11-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, yeah I realize that headline doesn't sound quite right. But allow me to explain (this is lengthy - I started writing this last week - but I need to set the scene for you all):

I am a 29 year old straight white male from a socially Conservative neighborhood on Long Island - not exactly the poster child for the gay rights movement. However, I was lucky enough to have a Liberal upbringing and the privilege of attending a progressively Liberal university in Washington, DC.

The first friend that I made at American University (after my roommate) was a guy named Brian (he also happens to be a brilliant photographer). I met him because I had this dream of starting a band in college, so it was standard practice for me to walk around the halls of my dorm listening for anyone singing and/or playing an instrument. Brian happened to be playing his saxophone when I walked by his room. Little did I know at that moment that he would be one of the greatest friends I've ever had. Almost immediately we were virtually inseparable - we had several classes together (much to our surprise), we ate together at the dining hall, and made several friends together.

Then, when I was a sophomore, I stupidly joined a fraternity. From that time until the end of my Junior year, Brian and I barely saw each other and I still feel awful about it. However, when I was done buying my friends, I was pleasantly surprised to see my real, true, and free one still existed. I began ditching the frat boys as the hazing rituals for the incoming pledges began to get out of control and Brian and I worked on a multitude of video projects for our Visual Media program (I think he's in the process of getting all of that stuff on YouTube)...and he introduced me to Barbara, who would eventually become my first real girlfriend (and one of my Top 3 of all time).

The night that truly changed my social politics for the better was the evening of the Senior Booze Cruise on the DC Waterfront. After downing a couple of pre-mixed 20 oz. rum and Cokes and pilfering drink tickets from my non-boozer friends, I was quite sauced. At that point, Brian (with our friend Julie in tow) came up to me and said "Eric, I'm gay." I was a little shocked given the fact that just a year earlier he had begrudgingly played a gay character that I wrote for a video piece we did. He's also from an even more socially Conservative neighborhood in Connecticut with a full-blown Conservative father. I think for those who do not have a gay friend or relative, they might wonder how they would react to such news. Where most people (given the nature of our voting populace) would be beside themselves not knowing what to do, I gave him a hug and said "That's awesome, dude." Jeez, could I have possibly said anything MORE straight? :-)

So fast forward to November 2004 - I had just moved back to DC after living in New York with my folks for a few months to straighten my life out. Brian was one of my only friends still left in the area. He put up with me as I dated a woman, whose solitary company I put ahead of making time for my friends. I believe it was during 2005 that he met Rich - an equally awesome gentleman.

When said woman broke things off with crazy Eric, I went through a really rough time. It was two weeks before my office Christmas Party and about a month before New Year's...the WORST time to be single (in my opinion). Sensing that I might do something stupid that night, Brian and Rich invited me to their place to ring in the new year with them. I credit these fine gentlemen with saving my life. It was through their solid display of true friendship that I realized there is a lot of good in this world. That entire experience - start to finish - completely transformed my life for the better and I can't thank them enough for supporting me through it all.

Now that the foundation has been set, on to my point.

It is easy to look at my situation and say "oh, he's just in favor of gay rights because these guys saved his life." Had this happened 10-15 years ago you might have been correct in that assumption. However, this is not the case in today's world. As the issue of gay rights has gained real steam within the last 5 years, I truly believe that we - as a people - have been given a necessary challenge to how we view those around us.

There are still White people who decide to move if Black and/or Hispanic families begin to buy homes in their neighborhood. There are people who still cross the street to keep away from those of other races, religions, and/or ethnic backgrounds. Although, I have to admit that I do that sometimes as well...if I see a group of White teenagers. White teenagers are the scariest and most volatile people on the face of the earth.

That admission being outed (no pun intended), no matter how I feel about any particular group of people, I know (thanks to good parenting and a fairly decent public school district) that I do not have the right to tell them who they can and cannot marry and/or what they can or cannot do with their bodies. Personally, I think ignorant people shouldn't be allowed to procreate, but it's not up to me or the Government to decide that.

I know this is cliché to bring up at this point, but up until 1967 it was ILLEGAL for a Black person to marry a White person. Now, statistically, a majority group of Whites and Blacks are against gay marriage. Talk about the height of hypocrisy! That would be like Jews starting a country club and not allowing White Anglo Saxon Protestants to become members. I was a member of a Jewish fraternity in college and one of my good friends was a Black Christian guy. While the racist and vile members of the national Executive Board made horrifically ignorant and wildly inappropriate comments about him, our chapter stayed true to the mission of the organization. The fraternity was created in the early 20th century because Jews were barred from joining already-established groups (most of which were founded on Christian principles). While the main focus is to recruit young Jewish men to become members, discrimination is not advocated due to the risk of being seen as no different than the very people they are rebelling against. Hell, the grandfather of the one of our chapter's Presidents was an SS officer in Nazi Germany! But he didn't spark suspicion from national since he has a Jewish last name.

Why did I go off on that tangent? To prove a point. Discrimination is stupid, barbaric, and completely nonsensical. Furthermore, to write it into our Constitution not only violates the very foundation of this country, it is an insult to the Human race.

If you are someone who is on the fence about this issue, I will pose it to you in a similar fashion to the way I defend the Pro-Choice movement: Do you honestly believe that a Gay couple should not have the right to access a family healthcare plan, to make life or death decisions if their partner is infirm, to engage in joint estate planning, or to even receive veterans' and/or military benefits? It seems silly when you break it down into details, doesn't it? It's very easy to get caught up in one big general idea when you don't have to defend every minute detail. [Side note: I used this exact same methodology when trying to help a good friend of mine who is trying to get over an ex] It's very easy to just say "no, it's wrong." Why is it wrong? How does it affect your life? How does it affect your children? Do you honestly believe that if your child is straight they might meet a married Gay couple and think "wow! i want to be Gay too! yippee!"? Did you ever stop to think that a huge influx of happily married, monogamous couples might have a POSITIVE effect on the institution of marriage? Have you ever thought of how tolerant and righteous your child might grow up to be if he/she is raised in a society where the divorce rate isn't above 50% and they are posed with the idea that two people - regardless of gender, age, religion, or creed - can live together in happy matrimony?

I have heard people use the excuse that it is against the bible. You know what Governmental systems make laws based on the "moral codes" of their holy scriptures? They're called Theocracies. Places like Saudi Arabia, Iran, Afghanistan, and soon to be Iraq base their laws around the word of their holy books. These are countries where Gay people are stoned to death in public squares, women are beaten if they get behind the wheel of a vehicle, and it is illegal to practice any religion other than what has been mandated by the State. If that sounds like Heaven to you, then by all means - PLEASE MOVE THERE. If, however, you believe in the Constitution, a free society, and if you have respect for Humanity maybe it's time you looked inside yourself and asked "why do I believe in legalized discrimination?"

In case you've been living in a cave or a shack in the woods without electricity and running water, I will leave you all with one of the most powerful arguments for Gay rights in recent history from the Edward R. Murrow of our generation:

Addict

2008-11-16T23:46:00.000-08:00

After spending a most enjoyable evening with a dear friend, her poetic art has lit the fire within me as well. I'm not known for my poetry - I'm more of a songwriter who follows the traditional AABB/ABAB format. This is the most freeform I've ever been with a written piece, and I'm quite happy with the result. I do not have a better title than "Addict," but perhaps someone out there in the intertubes has a more articulate label? Let me know what you think.

I think about her constantly
Night, Morning, noon
I want her swirling in my lungs
Each breath deeper than the last
Stirring within me an animalistic hunger

Leading me to salvation, she art with me
Hallow be her game

I want to consume her, body of Christ
Take her on my tongue
The savory-sweet a warm blanket for this damaged soul

She sparks a creativity in me rarely seen to the outside world
I mostly keep it within
An introverted hermit crab as the true Cancer that I am
A Cancer that extends beyond the astrological

Orion's Belt and the rings of Saturn cannot bring solace

I elevate her by stoking her flame
She elevates me by stroking my brain
A perfect Yin and Yang as the Ancient Chinese first discovered
She was once prescribed to restore the feminine

She emanates femininity, surpassing Jackie O
The masculine benefits greatly from a sip of her fountain
Showering her followers with holy water

Addiction or worship?
The proof is in the smell that permeates as she vanishes
Addiction or worship?
A choice between two sanctuaries
Addiction or worship?
Both bring comfort
Addiction or worship?
Is one more right than the other?

My name is Eric, and I am an addict.

Yes, I Changed it Again!

2008-11-11T12:09:00.001-08:00

After this wicked political season - with McCain/Palin once again dredging up the toxic "Two Americas" bullshit - I've decided to rename my blog. Since I live in Jew York City, which according to Governor Palin is in "fake America," I have chosen to embrace the title. I've been to her "real America," and let me tell you people - fake America is where it's at! Where else but fake America can you get a slice of pizza at 3 in the morning while nursing the fine line between drunkenness and a hangover? Where else but fake America can you see a right wing nutjob playing guitar in his underwear when it's 30 degrees outside? Where else but fake America do the people want REAL change?

Take your real America and cram it, lady!

From the Are You F*cking Kidding Me?!? Department:

2008-09-30T05:51:00.000-07:00

By now we all realize that our country is in deep doo-doo with the Wall Street crisis. The Democrats - for the first time in recent history - have nutted up and actually taken leadership in this financial disaster (largely caused by the Republican-backed [yes, even Johnny McLame] deregulation of the financial industry over the last 25 years, by the way). This is truly a damned-if-we-do-damned-if-we-don't situation and I'm actually against the $700B bailout, personally. I think giving more money to the guys who couldn't manage it properly the first time is, to use the great PJ O'Rourke's line "like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." But, the Democrats knew that we needed at least some kind of legislative action and they tried to fix the problems caused by the Conservative irresponsibility. After trying to drum up support among the Republican representatives, the bill failed in the House, with Democrats pulling 140 of the 205 losing votes to the Republicans' 65 (it was 95-133 against, respectively).

So, you're a normal person who is obviously intelligent enough to stay well-informed (after all, you're reading my blog). In your opinion, if a bill fails, who is to blame? The people who voted against it, right? If you're good at math, you probably thought the Republicans we to blame for the bill not passing.

Well, according to the math wizards in the Republican Party, the Democrats are to blame. According to the McCain camp, "Their partisan attacks were an effort to gain political advantage during a national economic crisis. By doing so, they put at risk the homes, livelihoods and savings of millions of American families...Barack Obama failed to lead, phoned it in, attacked John McCain and refused to even say if he supported the final bill...This bill failed because Barack Obama and the Democrats put politics ahead of country."

HUH?!?

It is truly amazing the lengths to which the Republicans will go to win an election. I don't know why I'm surprised every election cycle, but they never cease to stun me. I seriously want to send them a bill for the blood pressure medication I will soon need to start taking...it will be a miracle if I don't have a heart attack or stroke before the election. It will also be a major feat if I don't put my foot through my beautiful plasma screen before November 4.

The real question we must ask ourselves is Sarah Palin even remotely qualified to be the White House pool attendant, much less President of the United States during crises such as these?

Thursday's debate should be deliciously entertaining. I'm thinking a drinking game is in order for every time Palin says the same catch phrase, buzzword, and/or talking point.

O'Sarah Bin Hidin' - McLamebrains Ban Reporters from Palin/Karzai Meeting

2008-09-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

It's truly amazing how secretive the McCain/Palin camps are. Aren't you supposed to wait until AFTER the election before you start covering things up?

I think Nixon had less secrets that McCain and Palin. Seriously.

So here's the deal: Sarah Palin was scheduled to meet with Afghan leader Hamid Karzai and Columbian President Alvaro Uribe (separately). It was to be reported by the American Media, but CNN said they would not report on it unless they were granted access to drop a reporter into the meetings to witness it. The Palin Camp agreed (who are we kidding? she's the one running for President), however, 29 seconds after the meeting with Karzai began, reporters were escorted out of the room and were only allowed back in for the photo op.

Amazingly enough, all the major news outlets reported on it yesterday (when I began writing this blog) and now I can't find it anywhere. Amazing how the "Liberal" media would bury a story that would help "us." I guess the media ain't so Liberal after all, eh?

Well, bully for them...I found yet more red meat (er, tofu?) for us Lefties. Although Sarah Lipstick Palin said "Thanks, but no thanks" to the Federal Government for Bridge to Nowhere funding, she did gladly accept $233 million to build the road that was to lead up to the Bridge. Hopefully CNN won't pull this article too, but this is pretty juicy. Here's a little snippet:

The proposed $400 million span that would have connected the coastal city of Ketchikan to its airport on Gravina Island died after it became a symbol of congressional excess.

But the three-mile access road that was built on the island is ready for residents to take a drive to nowhere. It was paid for by some of the $223 million in federal funding that sparked ridicule among opponents of congressional "pork-barrel" spending.

In stump speeches, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has touted her eventual decision to abandon the Gravina Island bridge, which she initially supported. But Palin, now the Republican vice presidential candidate, let the access road go ahead because the contract to build it had been signed, a campaign aide said.

Ketchikan Mayor Bob Weinstein calls the road, which was paid for by federal tax dollars, a waste of money that could have been used to fix his city's roads and sidewalks.

"Gov. Palin could have stopped construction of this road," said Weinstein

(BTW, Weinstein was apparently wearing a "Nowhere, Alaska" shirt...I gotta find out where to buy one! But look who DOES have one! Isn't it ironic? Don'tcha think?)

In other jerky news, the House Democrats are going to let the off-shore drilling ban expire. So, the House Dems have now let the assault weapons ban and the off-shore drilling ban expire. What's next? The murder ban? Or worse yet...the NYC ban on TRANS FAT! Nooooooooooo!!!!

And in the most bizarre news of the season, PETA (the organization, not the delicious Mediterranean bread) has written a letter to Ben & Jerry's Homemade, Inc co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield asking them to switch to human breast milk for their ice cream rather than cow's milk. If only PETA had taken the time to GOOGLE Ben & Jerry's, they would know that Ben & Jerry have not owned the company for 8 years. I'm pretty sure Unilever has no interest in taking a gamble with their cash cow (so to speak) by attempting the conundrum of marketing ice cream that is made with "Real 100% Human Boobie Milk," and I'm pretty sure I don't want to take a gamble on eating it. I think Ben & Jerry's demographic would quickly shift to middle-aged male perverts who probably have a shoe fetish.

Okay, back to the job hunt. But for those of you in Brooklyn, I will be performing tonight at the Shemspeed Open Mic night at Tea Lounge (Union Street between 5th and 6th Aves)

Gov. Palin: Sorry You Got Raped, Now Gimme Me $1000!

2008-09-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

In more unshocking news about the most unqualified Vice Presidential candidate in American History (yes, more than Agnew and Quayle), it appears that while she was mayor of Wasilla (it's in Alaska, in case you've been living under a rock for the last 2 months), her town charge rape victims as much as $1000 for exam kits. The Wasilla chief of police - the one she DIDN'T fire for being in a custody battle with her sister - has fought the entire state to keep this practice in place. Every other town in the entire state provides them free of charge, but since Wasilla grows "moose-huntin' mavericks" they have been the last bastion of resistance.

Am I the only one who is completely frightened to have her as President? I know she's running for VP, but it's very obvious the GOP has no interest in keeping McCain as President if elected...I'm thinking McCain is going to be riding in a black 1963 Lincoln Continental convertible on a sunny November day in Dallas. Do we seriously want this woman to be president? I'm all for a female president...but not one who hates her own gender.

Seriously, if I wanted to live in Iran, I would move there. But last I checked this is the United States of America, and in a free society, we do not place the blame for rape on the victims.

If you would like to read more on this story, here is the CNN feed.

New Look

2008-09-22T08:52:00.001-07:00

I decided to rename my blog AND change the layout. I think this is a little brighter, more positive. I've decided I'm going to be a little more positive in my writing as well. As you can read, I have not been the nicest guy in the past.

Although, I tend to come out with really good zingers when I'm pissed off, I think it will be better for my blood pressure to calmly alert my readers to the injustices of the world.

I'm planning on writing a real post since I obviously haven't been meticulous about it. But I have been writing a lot of music lately, so maybe I will share some lyrics...at a later date.

In the meantime, if you want to listen to my music, please visit my page.

Stay tuned for my next real post! :-)

Lookin' for Work

2008-08-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

So, I got laid off yesterday from Greater Talent Network. (I put the name in there so it will show up in their Google Alerts. Hehe)

No warning, no specific explanation, and the guys who made the decision were conveniently not there. Forget the fact that yesterday morning, one of my co-workers sent out a lovely e-mail to the company praising me for the work I was doing, and that the day before another co-worker gave me a hug and said "I'm so happy you work here." These two guys just make decisions based on what's best for them, not what's best for the company. But, it's their company to run, so whatever. It doesn't set a very good tone for the workforce when you just off people without warning though. If you want to run a sweatshop where everyone is afraid for their livelihood, move to China.

Well, regardless...that is all the bitterness I'm going to exert over this. It's not worth fighting a losing battle. On to bigger and better things.

I'm looking for a job. At this point, I am entertaining any and all offers. If you (or someone you know) are looking for a new employee, please consider me. I have great references, I'm loyal (when treated with mutual respect, hehe), and I am a quick learner.

My resume can be accessed here.

I also cook, sing, play guitar, and wash windows. Once you bring me aboard, you will ask "Eric, how did we ever get along without you?"

The Ghastly Oblivious Pricks go after Obama's family

2008-05-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

Today, on Jack Cafferty's blog, he alerted the public to yet another GOP attack on Obama...but this time it's Michelle. In a newly released video, which is just repackaged crap - because let's face it: these jerks aren't exactly creative, the GOP uses the now famous sound bite of Michelle Obama saying that she is "proud of America" for the "first time in [her] life." What they GOP of course fails to mention, is that she was referring to the overwhelming support she and her husband have experienced on the campaign trail. For the first time in decades, people actually care about a Presidential race. It's no longer the White Christian Mens Club - walls are being broken down, REAL issues are being brought to the table, and our citizenship is becoming passionate about our country. After all of the awful things that have been said about her and her husband by the highest officials in our Government, seeing that millions of people come out just to SEE her and Sen. Obama and to HEAR their message of hope stirs an emotion of pride. Why is that something she should be condemned for? Because her husband just might become the first Black President of the United States of America. Not if the Grand Dragon of the GOP has anything to say about it. I wrote a response to Cafferty's blog post, but I doubt it will get to air. Here is what I wrote:

"I'm willing to bet that all paper trails for these types of attacks lead to the doorstep of the Swift Boat Klansmen. These are the same bigots who ruined McCain’s Presidential run in 2000 by playing on the racial fears of South Carolinians in saying that he had fathered an illegitimate Black child. How these ignorant racists have come to such prominence in business and, yes, even our own Government, is anyone’s guess. But it is truly a sad state of affairs when - 45 years after Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his impassioned "I Have A Dream" speech - a solid leader like Barack Obama and his family would be "judged by the color of their skin and not by the content of their character."

The rampant racism that has been spewed as a result of this election cycle is infuriating. Maddening to the point that I don't know what to do with myself. It's so crippling to think that people think this way, that they wouldn't get behind someone just because their skin is darker than theirs.

What the hell is wrong with me? LOL

2008-04-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

New T-Shirt Design

2008-03-27T18:27:00.001-07:00

I have just created this t-shirt on Cafepress.com. If you're interested, the shirts are $20 (with standard shipping). Let me know if you want one. I think this is pretty sweet:

American Idol - Week 4

2008-03-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

Ah, now the real competition begins. 6 girls, 6 guys...there can be...only one. Here's my commentary on the performances tonight:

Syesha Mercado - Rough start, but she added a nice touch to the Earth, Wind, and Fire cover of "Gotta Get You Into My Life." I'm still not totally loving her - I don't get a warm vibe from her at all. I just really don't have much more to say. I think she's forgettable.

Chikezie -Wow, wow, wow! What a fucking GREAT rendition of "She's a Woman"! I love how it started off with that Southern Gospel vibe and segued into a Led Zepplinesque total rock-out. That was fucking stellar! I'm a big fan of this guy

Ramiele Mulabay - Yeah...she's never going to ever sing an up-tempo song. I honestly think she wouldn't be able to handle it - so that's a serious problem if she can't pick up the pace. She was very pitchy in "In My Life." She's just so annoying...I still can't figure out why she rubs me the wrong way. I was not impressed...particularly after Chikezie's ground-shaking performance.

Jason Castro - Ugh..."If I Fell" was NOT a good song choice for him. And honestly, I think it's cool that contestants can play instruments this year, but he's overusing the guitar - like he's hiding behind it. He had some pitch and breathing issues, took no liberties with the song at all, and it was just boring. I'm not a big fan of his.

Carly Smithson - Whoa...can you tell she's living with Amanda Overmeyer? Jeez...steal her vibe why don't you? Hate to admit it though, but I LOVED this version of "Come Together." It was very soulful and bluesy - and very interesting with female vocals. Love it. Carly is winning me over!

David Cook - Okay...cool arrangement, but the execution was SO affected. It's like he was trying so hard to sound like people on the radio. Great adaptation, like I said, but I thought his vibe was somewhat trite. I still like him though - he's a lefty.

Brooke White - I heart this girl...for real. "Let It Be" was a good choice. Having female vocals on this song is reminiscent of the rendition from "Across the Universe" that stirred up a lot of emotion in me. I will say that Brooke was pitchy and I think it was a mistake to try to play the piano for the first week of the "real" competition. She didn't seem comfortable enough with it. But it was good overall. I'm a big fan of BW.

David Hernandez - Great voice, great stage presence (he's had practice, ahem)...but, I think he does way too many runs when he sings. It was a really safe song for him. I'm in complete agreement with the judges on this one.

Amanda Overmeyer - Yay Amanda! She definitely needs to record "You Can't Do That"! I'm looking forward to seeing her in concert when she's big and famous - because she's a fucking superstar! She rocked the shit out of this song! I was blown away...great, great, great!

Michael Johns - This guy looks so out of place on this show. It's like kid, kid, kid, kid, HEY GRANDPA! "Across the Universe" is definitely on my Top 10 list of favorite songs of all time. Michael's performance was decent at best, but I thought it was boring. I guess it's hard to jazz this solemn tune up, but there are plenty of other up-tempo Lennon/McCartney tracks to choose from. It was not the best performance of the night and not HIS best either.

Kristy Lee Cook - Done! I'm done with her! Who does she think she is?! David Lee Roth?! He's the only person in the world who could get away of doing a bluegrass remake of a classic rock song. This was so awful - just awful. This is worse than Pat Boone singing "Smoke on the Water" - worse than Johnny Cash singing "I Won't Back Down" by Tom Petty. Oh this was so bad...I have zero respect for her now. Done.

David Archuleta - Uh oh...he forgot the lyrics. The kiss of death. This was probably the worst rendition of "We Can Work It Out" I've ever heard. I like him, so this is disappointing. This sounded like a version that Michael MacDonald would do...it was a little too Smooth Jazz for my test. He's got such a great voice and he has that sly modest charm that drives the ladies nuts - he needs to really step it up if he wants to stay in this competition.

My prediction: Kristy Lee Cook will be voted off tomorrow.

American Idol - Week 3 - Results

2008-03-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

So how 'bout them apples? I got 3 out of 4 right in my vote-off predictions! I am really really sorry see Asia'h go though - America has no taste! Any record label would be stupid not to snap her up as soon as possible. As for the rest, there's always Carnival Cruise Lines. Zing!

American Idol - Week 3- The Ladies

2008-03-05T18:30:00.000-08:00

Alright, alright, alright (in my best creepy Matthew McConaughey impersonation). Here is my take on the ladies' performances:

Asia'h Epperson - OMFG this girl is so freakin hot I can't take it! The fact that she was pitchy and had breathing problems throughout "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" didn't even phase me because of her stellar stage show. I love this girl and I hope she sticks around for awhile.

Kady Malloy - Ack! Timing was off, pitch was off, song was totally boring. What song was this? I didn't recognize it at all! Pretty girl, nice vocal tone, great stage presence, but the performance itself just wasn't there. I don't think she'll make it on this show much longer.

Amanda Overmeyer - Yeah baby...she brought it back this week! I was worried after her last performance that she was going to get voted off. "I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett was such a perfect song for her. She is really an old soul and I would LOVE to see her in concert! Rock on!

Carly Smithson - Hmm...I didn't hate her this week! "I Drove All Night" - most recently made popular by Celine Dion (originally done by Roy Orbison, then by Cyndi Lauper) was a good song choice for her I though. She wasn't screaming like she usually is, she stayed on pitch, and she didn't seem overly arrogant. Good job, Carly!

Kristy Lee Cook - I knew she wasn't going to be able to avoid the country sound for long. Ugh...another fucking country singer! I can't stand this shit! And not only is she a country singer, she turned a fucking JOURNEY song into a country tune! "Faithfully"! She ruined a great song! Awful!

Remiele Malubay - Ugh..."Against All Odds"? Must this song be sung EVERY season?! It should be banned from the show...seriously. And this girl should be voted off. She still annoys me. And she's a dumbass. If she can't at least win me over in her mini bios, she's got nothing. And I'm tired of the ballads every week. Do something up tempo!

Brooke White - At first I was like "Oy! 'Love Is a Battlefield' as a down-tempo ballad?" But she really pulled it off. Her look and her voice is a real throwback to late-70s fem-pop. I really like her a lot. She's certainly unique among this group. She wasn't terribly exciting on the stage, but her song and look were engaging enough to keep my attention. I liked it a lot!

Syesha Mercado - She did NOT have the chops to take on "Saving All My Love For You". It was a good performance and she has a good voice, but she tried way too hard and it came off as a half-assed attempt to sound exactly like Whitney. It was an average, lackluster performance for me.

Prediction: Either Kady or Ramiele will be voted off.

American Idol - Week 3 - The Guys

2008-03-04T18:47:00.000-08:00

80s night...eep.

Luke Menard - Terrible, terrible, terrible! "Jitterbug" is bad enough and this guy managed to make it even worse. He was off-pitch the whole time, took strange liberties with the melody that just didn't work. It was awful.

David Archuleta -This kid is a true performer. His pitch was not perfect, but he's got a great stage presence and he certainly has that "makin' the young girls cry" quality about him. "Another Day in Paradise" is a nice classic Phil Collins song - good that he picked a non-cheesy 80s tune. I think he'll go far in this competition.

Danny Noriega - Wow...the androgynous contestant picks "Tainted Love" made famous by androgynous 80s band Softcell (originally recorded by Gloria Jones in 1964) and covered by androgynous rocker Marilyn Manson. He did a great job, I thought. Despite the fact that he totally freaks me out (I think I've said before that he looks like a living Anime character), he really has a great stage presence and a nice voice. Simon was totally unfair to him.

David Hernandez - Wow...Meatloaf ("It's All Coming Back to Me"). Rock on, dude! I like this guy. That's a very ambitious song to take on this early in the competition, but he pulled it off. I think he'll be around for awhile.

Michael Johns - I think it's unfair to have an Aussie on American Idol. All the woman are going to freak out over him just because of the accent. It's weird - I was really close to predicting he would do "Don't You (Forget About Me)." It was pitchy, he evaded the high notes, but it was a good performance. The only thing that bugs me, is that all of his stage moves are completely lifted from Jim Morrison.

David Cook - First of all, he's a left-handed guitarist so he already has my vote. But he managed to make "Hello" by Lionel Richie cool...well in the 2008 sense. Back in the day it was a bad-ass song - the kind of song that would make its intended target come running back to you. His guitar sounded awful though - is it a Gibson? An Epiphone? Maybe it's a knock-off brand. Either way, he needs to replace the humbuckers in that puppy.

Jason Castro - Wow...is this kid perpetually high? He did justice to "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, but there's something generic about his voice. Not bad though...even though he was spitting all over the place. LOL

Chikezie - This might be a first that there's only one Black guy in the whole competition. "All the Woman I Need" (made popular by Luther) - wow...this guy is a solid singer with a smooth stage presence. Despite his cockiness in the auditions week, he's got the chops to back up the arrogance.

I think this might be the strongest showing ever from the guys side. Should be an interesting season!

Prediction: Luke Menard and Danny Noriega will be voted off on Thursday.

Ugh..Stupid Tivo (American Idol - Week 2)

2008-02-29T19:11:00.000-08:00

For some reason my Tivo didn't record the guys' show on Tuesday, so once again, you only get my commentary on the ladies:

Carly Smithson - "Crazy On You" was out of her range I thought. She was all over place with her pitch, and there's still that element about her that pisses me off...still can't figure it out.

Syesha Mercado - "Me and Mr. Jones" just doesn't sound as good from the female perspective. The original (with Mrs. Jones) is an R&B classic that just shouldn't be messed with. She's a really pretty girl and she has a nice voice, but the words just sounded so forced for some reason. She also had some pitch problems at the start of the song.

Brooke White - I like this new thing where they let the contestants play instruments. That's how I would like to get down if I were on the show. I love "You're So Vain" - it's such a great song. I think she did it justice except for some breathing issues (she really needs to learn how to breath properly).

Remiele Malubay - Oy..."Don't Leave Me This Way"? Really? I think she hit like 5 notes in the whole song...she's another one that rubs me the wrong way - I just can't get into her.

Kristy Lee Cook - Man is she hot! Love the pants too! Complete 180 from last week. "You're No Good" was a great song choice for her, although she seems like her voice is cut out more for country. This was a stellar performance for her I thought. (I swear I wrote this before I saw what the judges said...just realized I could totally judge this show!)

Amanda Overmeyer - Kansas?! "Carry On Wayward Son"?! Oh, Amanda, sweetypie...what have you done? :-( You dropped the ball hun. The dancing, the pitch, the style, the lack of vocal control...what the hell happened to you? Oh...disappointing.

Alaina Whitaker - Killed it on the first line! That's gotta be an AI record! "Hopelessly Devoted" is the cheesiest song and probably the most in danger of being called a "karaoke performance" by Simon. She has a nice voice, but she's too young and just doesn't have the vocal control you need for this competition. My suggestion: Singing lessons, and THEN the recording contract.

Alexandrea Lushington - Aside from the "Old Navy, goin' campin'" ensemble and the AWFUL choice of "If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago, I still like her and I love her voice. But I really don't think this is going to get her the votes she needs to stay on the show. :-(

Katy Malloy - ACK! TOTALLY OFF KEY!!! Oh! Horrible! "Magic Man" was NOT made to be sung in this key and her lack of pitch proved that. She could not find those notes. And what was she wearing? A nightshirt? WTF? Terrible.

Asia'h Epperson - This song was SO out of her range. Why, Asia'h, why?! She's still so damn sexy, and she did belt out a couple of notes at the end, so I'm all for her sticking around for a little while.

I was not very impressed this week all in all. Hopefully it will get better next week. :-/

John McCain, Frothy-Mouthed Conservatives Should Extend a HUGE Apology (and Some Roses) to NYT

2008-02-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

So I'm quite perturbed by the fallout from the New York Times article accusing Senator McCain of having an affair with a female lobbyist 31 years his junior. In any contentious political season, there are bound to be petty swipes at the character of the players involved. This happens EVERY election cycle and - for some reason - everyone is taken by surprise when it does.

Of course, there are the usual chants from the Ridiculous Right, calling the NYT a "Liberal Rag," "Jew York Times," or whatever other derogatory/bigoted comment they decide to vomit up at a moment's notice.

However, the Hummer-Driving/Red-Meat/Death-to-Everything crowd is failing to realize what a gift the timing of this story really was. The NYT has been sitting on this story for almost three months. Do you remember where McCain's campaign was three months ago? The guy couldn't raise a dime, he was loosing staff, and he was flying - by himself - to campaign stops around the country!

Do you people realize how different the GOP landscape would be if they broke this story when they first caught wind of it? Romney would be the front-runner, he probably would have clinched the nomination by this point, and he would have lost MISERABLY to either Clinton or Obama in November. Instead, the NYT held off, let McCain build up his campaign, and virtually solidify his place as the only clearly viable candidate from the Right. His unholy popularity has sent us Lefties into a panic - shifting all the momentum from dead-heat-with-McCain Hillary Clinton to beat-the-shit-out-of-McCain Barack Obama. So, for allowing McCain to come to the forefront, I thank YOU! :-)

For more on this story from us Liberal Nutbars, check out "McCain's Smoking Blonde" in Slate and "Why John McCain Owes The New York Times a Thank You Card" in HuffingtonPost.

In other news...how about THIS fine display of what it truly means to be a GOP politician from Arizona? Nice.

To those of you in the NY-NJ-CT area: enjoy the snow.

American Idol 2008 - Week 1

2008-02-20T17:28:00.001-08:00

Okay...I know I haven't done this in awhile, but I feel the need to blog AI this year. I missed last night, so I'm starting out with the ladies:

Kristy Lee Cook - Despite her very musical sounding name, I don't see her becoming famous. Her performance of "Rescue Me" should have been a safe song and she messed it up. She has ZERO mobility on stage, serious pitch issues, and overall the performance was like that of someone who is dared to get up and sing after a night of drinking...and from a physical standpoint, she's got nothin' goin' awn in that trunk. (Sorry, I'm a buttman, what can I say?)

Joanne Borgella - "Say a Little Prayer" is totally out of her range. She had some serious problems in the verses singing in the lower-register, but I do rather enjoy her tone in the upper-register. She has a refreshing sound, but she definitely needs to stick to the Alto I tunes and shy away from the Alto II stuff.

Alaina Whitaker - Nice start...very grown up voice for a 16 year old. "More Today Than Yesterday" was a good choice for her I think. It's a very young, boppy kind of beat that suits her age. I'm impressed...normally the younger contestants annoy me because they're too full of themselves and do not have the chops to back up the arrogance. However, she seems humble enough and talented enough to be likable.

Amanda Overmeyer - This girl was born to be on stage! She had a little bit of trouble with the scat singing - sounded really forced, but what energy she has! I would definitely pay to see her in concert. The only thing that creeps me out a little about her is that she seems SO much older than 23. I guess she's had a somewhat tough life which has caused her to grow up fast, but wow is she impressive. My prediction is that she won't make it to the finals though - the ones I like never make it. :-(
(Realized after I wrote this that I forgot to write down her song...sorry!)

Amy Davis - She's got that Haley Scarnato look, so I can deal with her for at least a few more weeks. :-) But - oy - does she have some pitch issues! And yawn, yawn, yawn is she boring. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
(Realized after I wrote this that I forgot to write down her song...sorry!)

Brooke White - She looks A LOT like Toby Lightman - but not nearly as adorable. Why are all the contestants singing the cheesiest songs? Is that the theme? She has a really nice voice, but she has some breathing issues. I can tell she's never had formal vocal training.
(Realized after I wrote this that I forgot to write down her song...sorry!)

Alexandréa Lushington - Oh baby...this girl knows how to get my vote. "Spinning Wheel" is one of my favorite songs of all time! And she rocked the hell out of it! She is quite a stellar act. I'm reminded of Alicia Keyes in that she has this intellectual poise, but she can get down and hang with the people...whatever that means! It's one of those things I just can't articulate, sorry. :-/

Kady Malloy - Okay, wow! She managed to make Phil Collins sexy (or more so The Mindbenders who originally brought the song to the mainstream in 1965)! That takes talent! She's got the look, she's got pretty decent vocal control (there were a few runs that were a little off), and she's got a nice stage presence. My only complaint is that her voice is kind of generic - she sounds like everyone else on the radio...so she'll probably win. :-P

Asia'h Epperson - One word: SEXY! Love it, love it, love it. Unique voice, smoldering looks, sympathy-provoking backstory (her father died in a car accident like three days before her audition) - and she kinda looks like Tai from "Clueless" (but WAY hotter obviously). She did LOTS of justice to Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart" (originally recorded by Erma Franklin a year before Janis technically)! I'm speechless other than that - fantastic performance!

Ramiele Malubay - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *snorttle* Oh! Shit! I fell asleep! Disappointing, drab performance. She has a fantastic voice, but for the first impression you're making on America, you have to tear it up and this just didn't hold a candle to some of the others tonight - IMHO.
(Realized after I wrote this that I forgot to write down her song...sorry!)

Syesha Mercado - Her last name is one of my favorite Washington, DC haunts and she serves up the same level of intoxication! I was first introduced to "Tobacco Road" last season - great effing song made all the more effing better by this effing superstar! Rock on, girl!

Carly Smithson - I don't know why this girl annoys the shit out of me. Maybe it's the half-Irish half-American accent thing? Sounds put on (from both halves) and she just has this Amy Lee vibe that bugs me (could be my unhealthy hatred for Evanescence). Her performance (don't know the name of the song) was pitchy and subdued. She needs to move around a little more. Randy Jackson is deaf - "best vocal of the competition so far"? WTF?! I'm with Simon on this one.

Tune in next week when I'll cover the male side of the competition.

Farewell, Heath. I Hardly Knew Thee

2008-01-22T20:17:00.000-08:00

Usually one needs to be in their 40s or 50s before they have that first real sense of fear that death could just blind side you. Of course I'm being overly - and perhaps needlessly - dramatic. It is quite remarkable at how quickly news of his death spread. He was pronounced dead at 3:26 PM and I found out about it at 4:00 PM. Granted I work about a mile from his apartment, but this is a big city and an even bigger world.

I think the saddest part is how the media has already desecrated his memory by their endless coverage and speculation. I understand how it is natural to suspect a drug overdose when a young celebrity passes away - that part of the news coverage I get. However, on the 11:00 news, they went into gruesome detail about how he was found laying face down in the nude at the foot of his bed. Do we really need to know that? Can't the guy rest in peace? Why must the media remove any shred of dignity from those who choose to entertain us for a living?

I will openly admit right here and now - I have never seen any of Ledger's work. I have wanted to see "Brokeback Mountain" since it came out. For those of you who know me, you know that I am a huge proponent of gay rights. I was very happy when this film was released because I felt - much like "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" - that it would help bring gay culture to the mainstream and hopefully garner them more respect in our society. Several of my friends are gay and for them to not be treated like heterosexual individuals is so vile and truly makes me question my faith in humanity...or at least American humanity...Evangelical American humanity.

My point in all of this? I don't really know, to be honest. I guess I'm just saddened by the loss of yet another young celebrity. But as I mentioned, I'm more saddened by how the media has chosen to spin this terrible tragedy.

Weight Loss Update...

2008-01-11T12:38:00.000-08:00

Since I started, I went up to 225, but when I weighed myself this morning...220. I'm telling people I lost 5 pounds, but I guess technically I lost 2. I've been eating nothing but salad for lunch this week and drinking a lot of water. Oh, and now I'm sick so that should help things along a little. ;-)

On an unrelated note, I just discovered Twitter. It's ridickalous.

This is the Year...

2008-01-05T08:25:00.001-08:00

For those of you who know me, you know that for the past two summers I have rented a beach house with my friends (first in OC, NJ and last year in OBX, NC). And for the past two summers, I have been my usual fat, flabby self and was basically the token fat guy. I've decided that this year, I at least want to try to slim down. It's hard for me to be competitive because all of my friends stay in shape, eat right (for the most part), and - most importantly - have good genes.

My Mission: To lose as much weight as possible between now and the end of July.

My Conflict: How the hell do I lose as much weight as possible between now and the end of July?

I welcome any suggestions - whether they be "a steady regimen of diet and exercise," diet pills, standing on your head when you eat junk food, purging at the end of every day, only drinking water, starvation...you get the point, this is going a little down hill. :-)

So - and this is hard - I will now tell you all my starting weight: 222 lbs. (I know! Awful!)

My goal weight: 180...by the end of July

Please help me to be pretty!

I Am Officially Announcing My Endorsement...

2008-01-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

From the point at which his momentum took off until this very moment, I was cold to Barack Obama as a Presidential candidate. I had seen him speak at a Save Darfur Rally in early 2006 and was instantly hooked and wanted him to be President more than anything in the world. But as the pressure built for him to throw his hat in the ring, I became disenchanted and desperately searched for another candidate to believe in. I found that comfort in Bill Richardson. I was convinced that he was going to be the next guy to gain that momentum - but those hopes came to a screeching halt when he said at a debate that he believes homosexuality is a choice. That made all my respect for him go down the toilet.

Perhaps I am riding high off his landslide in Iowa today, or I maybe even be slightly intoxicated, but I think I want to reboard the Obama train.

"Senator Obama, is there still a ticket available? Standing room only? Why does it cost more? *Sigh* Give me a few tickets...I want to bring my family and friends along..."

If you put up Barack Obama next to Mike Huckabee, there is no question who should lead our country towards the path to salvation. Not to mention the fact that it will be nearly impossible for a White Southern guy from Alabama to not seem racist when making an attack ad against a Black guy.

Huckabee's speech scared me...he basically said that as President he's going to try to spread the Gospel of his church and won't rest until we're all Evangelical Christians. Barack's speech tonight was so fucking inspiring, I can barely contain myself.

This writer is hereby officially announcing his endorsement of the Junior Senator from Illinois, Barack Obama.

A Sad Day For the First Amendment

2007-09-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

It has long been established by the voting records of Congressional Republicans that their defense of the 1st Amendment is as low a priority as corporate America paying its share of taxes. So it was no surprise that today, the Senate Republicans bullied through an Amendment of their design to repudiate MoveOn.org for their New York Times ad about the dishonesty of the Bush Administration regarding the Iraq War (or maybe it's just because Gen. Petraeus ran crying to his mommy because the "mean Liberals" called him a name?)

However, what truly disturbed me was the fact that a majority of Senate Democrats rolled over and let the big elephant phallus violate them once again. Thankfully, Presidential hopefuls Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and Chris Dodd (D-CT) stood their ground and voted against the measure. But Barak Obama (D-IL) and Joe Biden (D-DE) took the cowardly way out and abstained from the vote.

Honestly, I don't know if I'm angrier at the fact that this was a blatant attack on the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, which ALL members of our Government swore to uphold, or the fact that they wasted my tax money on an absurd Amendment that has nothing to do with the direction of this country.

When did America become Communist China? What are the Bush Administration's plans for CBS, NBC, and ABC? Will they all become state-run networks like Fox?

Since when are we, as Americans, no longer allowed to criticize our Government? Does the repudiation of this ad open the floodgates to allow for Letters to the Editor and Op-Eds to lose their credibility as well? What about full-page ads taken out in the New York Times in recent years shunning Israel and taking liberties with the facts to pin-point Israelis as the sole roadblock to peace?

What about ads for diet pills that claim you can eat whatever the hell you want and still loose 50 pounds in just 6 weeks?

On second thought, what I just said implies that the things said in the MoveOn.org ad are not true. Everything MoveOn.org says has to be at least as truthful - if not more - than anything the Bush Administration has EVER said.

Shall we recap the deplorable ads put out by the Bush Administration and his cronies over the last decade? Swift Boat Veterans For Truth? Whisper campaigns directed at voters in the 2000 South Carolina primary claiming John McCain had a "black baby" (The McCains adopted a child from Bangladesh)? How about the "Hey Harold, call me" ad playing to racist fears in the Tennessee Senate race last year? Then there's the Stakes ad that basically said if you elect Democrats, Osama Bin Laden will take over America (This is STILL on the GOP website!).

And who could forget how the Republicans denounced Michael J. Fox for speaking out about the need for Stem Cell research. They said "Aw, he went off his medication on purpose!" Umm, yeah, of course he did! That's the whole fucking point! So Michael J. Fox is just supposed to shut up and deal with the side effects of his medication because you want to impose your religion on all of America by banning Stem Cell research?!

Republicans always want to hoot and holler that "the Liberal media" (the only difference between them and the KKK is that the KKK adds the word "Jew" to that label) never checks its facts. Did you know that, of the 115 ads released by the NRCC for the 2006 election, 91 percent were deemed to be purely negative and largely false or misleading? A great website, FactCheck.org, lays it out in plain English and you can see for yourselves the great lengths to which these deviant fucks will go, and have gone, to deceive us all. According to FactCheck.org, the NRCC "spent $41.9 million attacking Democratic opponents and $5 million supporting its own candidates, roughly an 8:1 negative-to-positive ratio."

Hey pot, this is the kettle...you're black!

(If you liked this, you must check out this Op-Ed from Time Magazine's Michael Kinsley. Marvelous!)

Where's The Outrage?

2007-08-11T00:07:00.000-07:00

In 1972, my dad, his brother, and thousands of American University students barricaded themselves in Mary Graydon Center to protest the Vietnam War. The closest I have come to anything like that was taking part in the March for Peace and Justice when the Republicans decided to hold their 2004 Convention in New York City. I videotaped most of the march and my father was so proud of me.

However, I am disappointed in myself. I am disappointed in my generation. I am disappointed in the general public. Corruption will always exist in our Government. For a long time now our elected officials have only been fighting for themselves. They forgot about us a long time ago. Whether they are Republican or Democrat, they are all just trying to carve up this country and ultimately the world a little more evenly amongst themselves. They enjoy the finest healthcare, eat steak for lunch, fly/ride virtually anywhere for free, and never have to worry about running out of money.

There are those of us who are not rich, those of us who will not be able to realistically afford a home until we're in our 30s if we're lucky, those of us who have healthcare but are afraid to see our doctors for fear of the premiums we will be charged. There are those of us, and I believe we make up a majority, who hate this fucking fallacy of a war - who wish the $450 billion we've spent on Iraq so far could have gone to nearly erradicating homelessness in our own country or to save the suffering people of Darfur.

Where is the fucking outrage? Where is the drive to take to the streets? Why can't we be more like the previous generation?

I truly thought that my generation had finally figured it out in 2004...I truly thought we were riled up enough to put the Whitehouse in the hands of a rational human being. Our generation fucking failed - we fucked up so badly that it tears me up to think about it.

Sure there are rallies in DC, but the rallies are held at 12 PM during workdays. While we're all passionate about the changes that need to be made in our country, we all still have to put food on our tables. We need massive demonstrations on Saturdays and Sundays - whenever us working people have the free time to protest, we should be on the streets letting our elected officials know that they are systematically destroying everything that is good about America and might possibly bring about the end of Western Civilization as we know it.

They keep us so fucking scared. They make us so fucking afraid to demonstrate, to speak our minds, to bite the hand that spanks us. We're crippled and we continue to sit idly by like sheep being led to the slaughter.

It makes me sick the more I think about it. We're all loosing control and we're doing nothing to fight the inevitable. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Wounds That Won't Heal

2006-12-10T09:31:00.000-08:00

I wrote this on November 26, 2006 - Just getting around to posting it now:

As I rode the Long Island Railroad into Penn Station this morning, something occurred to me as my eyes scanned the majestic Manhattan skyline – it still cuts me so deeply to not see the World Trade Center among the steel giants stretching into the stratosphere. Although it has only been five years and it is said that time heals all wounds, I truly believe this is a wound that will never heal. Depending on the decade in which you grew up, you might remember a time when the tallest building in the entire world was the Empire State Building. If that is the case, healing the wound of the loss of the World Trade Center might be more of an obtainable goal for you – given the necessary time. However, one of my earliest memories from my childhood is holding my father’s hand walking through that massive lobby that even into my early young adulthood was still a modern marvel. In fact, I was there a mere 2 weeks before 9/11 with my good friend and we were remarking WTC's splendor despite our drunkness. I didn’t feel a strong – conscious - emotional connection to my father until my grandfather passed away when I was 10 years old. This is not to say that my father did not love me until then or treat me unlike any father should treat his son. In fact, I could not have asked for a better father. It’s just that I did not realize and appreciate that bond between father and son until that very moment when he hugged me and, for the first time in my life, he cried in front of me – broken, allowing himself to grieve as any child who had lost a parent should and becoming a real, caring, feeling person to me – a person who had, up until that time, served a very utilitarian purpose in my life (due to my own lack of emotion, being a child and getting my first real taste of adulthood at that moment). Until that moment he was simply the guy that really liked my mom and took me to the park on the weekends. Since he was always hard at work, he was gone before I awoke and home after I went to bed every weekday. I could never blame him for any of that given the lush lifestyle – both emotional and financial – that he provided for my mother, sister, and me.

Every since that groundbreaking moment in our relationship I have grown to appreciate more and more that bond that no one else on earth can share except for me and my Dad. Despite the fact that I did not personally know any of the victims that died needlessly at the hands of the vicious psychopaths, the love I have for my father and the sporadic memories I have of him from my early childhood account for my emotional wound that will not heal. To me, the World Trade Center served as the conduit through which my father and I passed when he would take me to his office at the World Financial Center across the street. I did a lot of growing up and learned a lot about life and the corporate atmosphere from my experiences of going to work with my dad.

My father was present for the first attempt to bring the towers down in 1993. I remember that day vividly – coming home from middle school to find my mother watching the horrific events on TV, tears streaming down her face, chewing her cuticles, waiting for the phone call from my father to let her know he was okay. Outside circumstances placed him at a different job, in an office roughly 40 miles north of Manhattan 7 years later when those same men were this time successful in their goal – to destroy an American landmark, kill thousands of innocent civilians, and to strike fear in the minds and hearts of every man, woman, and child living within the United States and Western interests abroad. As much as we tell ourselves that we refuse to be terrorized and that we are not scared, we are all scared shitless deep down inside. Whether we choose to wear it on our sleeve – like members of law enforcement who do not allow Muslims to fly because they pray prior to boarding the plane – or internalize our fear – keeping massive conglomerates like Pfizer in business – we are all still scared and waiting for the next big explosion to rock our cities and brutally slaughter our loved ones.

Perhaps it has something to do with me getting older, but I find myself getting more and more emotional. For this reason, I refuse to patronize any film, television program, or memorial service that focuses on the events of September 11, 2001. Every time I am forced to endure footage of the Twin Towers toppling on one another, the sentimental memories of my father’s love for me are crushed beneath the weight of thousands of tons of twisted steel, broken glass, and charred flesh.

Being Jewish, the Holocaust has always played an integral part of my religious and cultural upbringing. There’s a saying that normally goes along with any memorial or remembrance of the era that nearly destroyed my people – “never forget.” However, I cannot seem to recall anyone ever saying “forgive, but never forget” – commensurate with what we’ve been taught throughout our secular development. Despite what the Talmud - as well as our society - might preach, I cannot allow myself to ever forgive the acts of monsters like Adolph Hitler, Yassir Arafat, and Osama Bin Laden. There is not a single ideology that exists in which the killing of innocent civilians is EVER justified.

Get Out And Vote Dammit!

2006-11-07T05:53:00.000-08:00

I know the attack ads are nauseating. I know the candidates all suck. I know voting on party lines is just choosing the lesser of two evils. However, this election is about 99% as important as the next Presidential race. This election today will determine which way our country heads for the next two years (and beyond). Obviously the leadership of this country has a pretty set plan for what they want to accomplish and they will continue on that path (despite their rebranding of "stay the course") if they maintain control of Congress. While the other side is maybe a little less clear about where they want to steer the country, if they gain control of Congress it will most likely be a 180 degree turn from where we are right now and maybe win back some diplomacy on the worldwide stage. Whether you agree with the direction we're headed or would like to see significant change is up to you.

Bottom line: If you care about where this country is going, vote. If you don't give a shit, then stay home. But if you don't vote, you don't have any bitching rights.

(Sorry for the huge gap since my last posting - I'll start writing more, I promise!)

Thank You, Poppy

2006-10-09T12:57:00.000-07:00

Outside of my legal and social obligation to love my grandfather, he is one of the greatest people I have ever come in contact with in my entire life and I truly love him.

Today, seemingly out of the blue, he e-mailed me (yes, he is one hip 80 year old) and asked what I thought about North Korea's newfound nuclear capabilities (and more importantly our meddling in their business). In true Jewish patriarchal fashion, his life's goal is to make everyone think and constantly question the world around them. At his 80th birthday party, my mother charged him with being a bleeding heart Liberal underneath his hardened Conservative exterior. She couldn't be any closer to the truth. When my mother was a teenager, my grandfather would stir up political debate with her (playing, literally, the Devil's Advocate and taking the Republican standpoint). Most arguments would end with my mother stomping upstairs and my grandfather laughing with delight. His joy did not come from having won a debate on issues he firmly believed it, but from making his children think and stand up for themselves and what THEY believe in. He has continued that tradition with his grandchildren, and hopefully one day, his great-grandchildren. His question really sparked my brain and I wrote a much longer than necessary answer. But he lit the fire so emphatically, I was so happy with what I had written and I felt the need to share it with all of you. Below is what I wrote back to him:

I think as long as we ourselves have nuclear weapons we are not in a position to tell another country that they cannot possess them. I think the major issue we don't realize about nuclear weapons is that once even one of them is used it will nearly destroy the planet (they are a lot more potent these days than the ones dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki) so I truly think a country would be reluctant to use one. It merely serves as a leverage tool ("Give me what I want or else..."). We don't want "tyrannical" leaders of "rogue nations" possessing nuclear weapons, but to most of the world, we are perceived as a rogue nation with a tyrannical leader, so I think we really need to see ourselves through the eyes of those who hold a negative view of America. I think we could set a very good example for the rest of the world by being the first to dismantle our nuclear weapons. The fear about doing that is "what if they shoot off their nuclear weapons?" but honestly, even if we still have our nukes and someone shoots one our way, we won't be able to do much.

There was a time, and I'm sure you remember it more vividly than I do, when we lead the world in diplomacy. It's sad to think that Richard Nixon might have been the last truly Liberal president we had - He opened up talks with China, fought for Title IX so women would be treated as athletic equals, and founded the Environmental Protection Agency. Now we have some punk who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and is the whore of the oil industry squeezing the poor and middle class for every penny they have while he and his cronies get richer and richer.

It's plainly obvious to me how groups like Al Qaeda and Hamas can develop such hatred for America. When I went to Israel and had the opportunity to speak with some high school students there, I asked them how they view Americans. The first words out of their mouths were "Jerry Springer." Everything that we put on television, including the economic and literal blunders of our Commander-In-Chief, seems to represent us abroad.

One thing that I have grown to love about our relationship, besides the fact that you are my grandfather, is that as we both get older (and by all accounts wiser), I am realizing how much we have in common. I remember a letter to the editor you wrote not too long ago about uprooting all of our military bases around the world. I was, and still am in full agreement with you on that issue. There is no reason, particularly in this day and age, for us to have a toe (or in this case, an arm or leg) in everyone's business. We no longer live in an age of impending imperialism and iron curtains. However, if we pull up the stakes in the 80 or 90 something countries in which we have military bases, our country will suddenly be hit by a huge spike in unemployment - and no President wants that on his record.

But back to Korea - I think you are right. I think there is no need to shake the tree right now. I think the less pressure we put on Korea and Iran the better off we will be. If the rest of the free world views North Korea's nuclear capabilities with grave concern, they will come forward and negotiate with Kim Jung Il. It's time we take a backseat on this and let someone else catch the heat. Personally, I think there should be a summit of all economically able countries where we can all agree to dismantle our nuclear weapons simultaneously.

Whatever happened to fighting like men?

Thank you for stirring up my thinking juices today, Pop! I look forward to seeing you soon.

Love, Eric

The Pope Has Really Bad Long-Term Memory...

2006-09-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'm sure by now you have heard about the new controversy coming out of the Vatican. No, it's not yet another Priest accused of fucking little boys and then being farmed around to other Parishes to commit more crimes against our nation's Catholic youth. In this latest fuck up, Pope Benedict XVI delivered a speech in which he quoted 14th-century Byzantine emperor Manuel II Paleologus who said: "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." So, in essence, the Pope validated his statement, implying that early Muslims spread the word of Mohammed through violence. Yeah, spreading religion through violence is indigenous to Islam, right? How about the burning alive of scientists for being "heretics," as well as many other serious transgressions (some covered in the supplied link)? Oh, and how can we forget the Inquisition, and I'm not talking about Mel Brooks' brilliant send up of it as a Las Vegas-style stage show in "History of the World." I'm talking about the time from 1184 to 1834 AD when the Catholic Church brutally persecuted anyone who was considered a heretic (Jews, Muslims, scientists, Homosexuals, the mentally- and/or physically-challenged, et al) by way of bullying (in the "good days"), torture, beheadings, the killing of entire families in front of the said heretic, and many other brutal crimes that probably equal or trump anything the followers of Mohammed did during the same period of time.

That said, I am not trying to downplay the atrocities being committed by supposed crusaders of Islam. However, the big problem that lies before us is attaching everything that these animals do to Islam. No matter what they say, they are NOT true representatives of the peaceful religion known as Islam. This new nation of extreme terrorists (let's call it as we see it, okay folks?) is a new breed of people claiming to be followers of the Quran. They are a fast-growing cult of embittered people from impoverished nations who have been easily swayed by the, unfortunately, very convincing words of Osama Bin Laden and other leaders of terrorist networks. I firmly believe that the leaders of these groups, including Heads of State who feed into it, like President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad do not believe a word that they say. They are merely terrorists hell bent on the destruction of Western Civilization. It's easy to see how such hatred can be drummed up for the US when you are sitting in a hovel eating whatever you were able to find in the nearest trash heap and you are watching images on CNN in the local coffeeshop of Americans oogling tall, rail-thin blonde women in string bikinis and dancing in the street showering themselves with hundred-dollar bills while eating big, fat American hotdogs smothered with mustard, relish, sauerkraut...mmmm...now I've just made myself hungry. :-)

But these extremist leaders do not believe any of the religious doctrines they claim to cling to. They are merely imperialistic terrorists who want money and power like the rest of the asshole world leaders of history.

I would like to write more, but my brain is fried...I've committed a heinous crime against my psyche: I am sitting in Starbucks, sipping a Caffe Mocha, and blogging my brains out on my MacBook. Ugh, I have become....trendy.

Five Years Later...

2006-09-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well, it's that time again folks. I will be performing at the Peace Cafe Open Mic Night this Thursday, September 14, at Busboys and Poets in Washington, DC. I have decided to try my hand, once again, at spoken word. Let me know what you think:

Five years since 9-11-01
Think we're safer? They've only just begun
To reek havoc on our society but what have we done?
To deserve the loss of our loved ones and all this destruction?

All the killing, from both sides, not just theirs
What is it all for? Pretty soon we'll be left with no heirs
If the massive amounts of violence have a point, it is lost
What can we do to remedy the problem? What is the cost?

I wish we could get all the leaders of the world in one room
And the heads of fundamentalist groups, but can we assume
That we will be able to settle our differences and start to bloom
The chance for peace, and an end to this darkness that seems to loom

Bush recently said in an interview that we're safer now than then
How? By not allowing us to carry shampoo on planes and keeping the fear pumping through CNN?
Does fear make us safer or does it just destroy our civil liberties?
The more we let fear run our lives the sadder we look to those overseas

How could we, in the most powerful nation in the world
Be afraid to talk to each other and hide under our beds in the fetal position all curled
What happened to the times of free expression, free emotions, and free love?
There isn't much faith anymore in the Higher Powers above

Whatever happened to the momentum that had been bulding for Darfur?
Has anything been done since then, or has this issue just fallen on the floor?
Just six months ago people were passionate about this subject
But I guess everything else going on in the world is enough to redirect
The focus on such an important topic?
After the Holocaust, Bosnia, and Rwanda how can we be so myopic?

The extremists hate us because we have our noses in everyone's business
Yet we don't utilize our position positively, don't blame it on the press
If the people don't want Democracy, let them be
If we just mind our own affairs, they will decide on their own if they want to be free

How many families need to be torn apart
So that we can force our beliefs on a people, destroy their country, and then quietly depart
They clearly don't want what we have to offer, so why do we try?
It's not enough of a hint when they car bomb our people sky high?

Maybe my hope to bring everyone to the table is just a pipe dream?
Since both sides are irrational, it would probably only make things more extreme
Why can't we just stop fighting and accept our differences?
It's such a simple request, but it's looked at with such indifference

What will it take? Is it a matter of religion? land? power? money?
You'll attract far fewer flies with vinegar than honey
Until we can sit down and work this out like sane individuals
Peace will never be a reality, it will merely be conceptual

Ask and Ye Shall Receive...

2006-09-06T09:02:00.001-07:00

Author's Note: Eric's blog can now be accessed directly by pointing your browser to http://www.swiftkicks.org!

In my last posting I warned to be careful what you wish for. Well, just this morning I began wishing that Comic Relief would come back. You know, the series that HBO did for about 5 years featuring the industry's best comics raising money for the homeless? I tried to find a link to something about it, but that has proved a pretty difficult task. Anyway, I was on NetFlix trying to see if maybe the series had been released on DVD, as many retro television shows and movies have been recently. Of course, Comic Relief is the one retro DVD that has yet to be released. The original Comic Relief is a British organization with a similar goal with the exception that they try to raise money combat poverty and social injustice in third world nations. Bob Zmuda, most famous for being Andy Kaufman's sidekick and co-writer, organized the American edition of Comic Relief, rounding up quite possibly the most dynamite trio of the late 20th Century - Robin Williams, Whoopie Goldberg, and Billy Crystal.

Anyway, the DVD wasn't available so I decided to start up the Google engine and see what I could find. Just as I began to wish for another Comic Relief, given the worthwhile causes of today, I found what I was looking for. Comic Relief will be making a (hopefully) triumphant return to HBO this November with The Comedy Festival in Las Vegas. I am really excited. Comic Relief provided me with virtually all the material I reiterated when I used to attempt to do stand-up comedy in grade school and sleep-away camp. George Carlin was still on top of his game, Bob Saget showed the world that he can be a sick fuck, and Robin, Whoopie, and Billy performed the first televised "reverse Oreo." I am eagerly awaiting Comic Relief 2006 (which I believe will be benefiting victims of Hurricane Katrina - better late than never).

Be Careful What You Wish For

2006-08-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm about to say some things that many might deem insensitive, so if you're not ready for a semi-extreme viewpoint, please stop reading now.

I have been listening to NPR in the mornings, as I have been for the past year or so, and lately some of the news items have boiled my blood a little bit. They have sent reporters into the remote towns of Southern Lebanon that have been hit by retaliatory and/or pre-emptive (LET'S NOT FORGET THIS) Israeli military strikes. I do admit that I truly feel for the innocent lives that have been destroyed in the fighting - the loss of innocent life is NEVER a good thing (and the Israeli military will agree with me on this one). However, the thing that truly makes me angry is when the familes of the victims are interviewed and say things like "It's all Israel's fault" and "Death to Israel." While the actual act of firing a rocket into their homes may have been at the hands of the Israelis, Israel alone cannot be held solely responsible for their collective fate. Why is Hizbollah not at fault? The Lebanese allowed Hizbollah to take over their goverment, and much like a drug dealer in a down-trodden neighborhood, Hizbollah provides clothing, shelter, food, and clean water to the citizens in exchange for their unconditional loyalty. What these poor, ignorant, and mostly disenfranchised citizens probably do not realize is that when it comes down to military action, they will be used as human shields and will most likely be the first to die before even one casualty is reported from the Hizbollah fighting force. Not only are they unwittingly being used as shields, but in addition, members of Hizbollah desecrate the bodies of their loved ones by waving the dismembered body parts in front of the AP and Reuters cameras to call up more sympathy for their cause.

The bottom line is that you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You cannot accept a terrorist organization as your governmental body and then blame the victimized nation that said organization terrorizes for retaliating against the organization and its state sponsor. As upset as they are when their family member is killed by an Israeli missile, there is an Israeli who is just as upset for having lost a family member to a Hamas/Hizbollah-executed suicide bomb. However, the big difference here is that Hamas and Hizbollah do not have the same courtesy to drop leaflets at the bus stop warning potential passengers that a shifty guy in the winter coat is going to end their life.

There was a brilliant letter that went around the internet recently that its author (Ben Caspit) called on Ehud Olmert to deliver. Whether that will happen is still up in the air, but nevertheless it puts the ENTIRE conflict in perspective (not just the current military skirmish). If you don't have the time to read it, here is the meat that inspired some of my words:

The prime minister who preceded me, Ariel Sharon, made a full withdrawal from the Gaza Strip back to the international border, and gave the Palestinians there a chance to build a new reality for themselves. The prime minister who preceded him, Ehud Barak, ended the lengthy Israeli presence in Lebanon and pulled the IDF back to the international border, leaving the land of the cedars to flourish, develop and establish its democracy and its economy.

What did the State of Israel get in exchange for all of this? Did we win even one minute of quiet? Was our hand, outstretched in peace, met with a handshake of encouragement? Ehud Barak’s peace initiative at Camp David let loose on us a wave of suicide bombers who smashed and blew to pieces over 1,000 citizens, men, women and children. I don’t remember you being so enraged then. Maybe that happened because we did not allow TV close-ups of the dismembered body parts of the Israeli youngsters at the Dolphinarium? Or of the shattered lives of the people butchered while celebrating the Passover seder at the Park Hotel in Netanya? What can you do – that’s the way we are. We don’t wave body parts at the camera. We grieve quietly.

We do not dance on the roofs at the sight of the bodies of our enemy’s children – we express genuine sorrow and regret. That is the monstrous behavior of our enemies. Now they have risen up against us. Tomorrow they will rise up against you. You are already familiar with the murderous taste of this terror. And you will taste more.

And Ariel Sharon’s withdrawal from Gaza. What did it get us? A barrage of Kassam missiles fired at peaceful settlements and the kidnapping of soldiers. Then too, I don’t recall you reacting with such alarm. And for six years, the withdrawal from Lebanon has drawn the vituperation and crimes of a dangerous, extremist Iranian agent, who took over an entire country in the name of religious fanaticism and is trying to take Israel hostage on his way to Jerusalem – and from there to Paris and London

Ani ohev Yisrael!

It's Been A Long Time

2006-08-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while...which is SUCH a good thing (for me), you have no idea. It means I actually have a life and don't spend all my free time typing away my frustrations and passing the stress on to you, my loyal readers.

I just had a funny realization - It's not a new or original realization, but I just find it so interesting how quickly fads become a part of our lives. Well maybe "fads" is a bad word to use - unless you're talking about Dr. Fad from the 80's (who I met - he gave me one of those sticky spiders that you throw against the wall and it crawls down). Like, for instance the fact that we are so attached to our cellphones that virtually no one can remember life before them (including my grandparents - don't get that misconstrued, they have fantastic memories). Just a few weeks ago, I went to go pick up a friend in my car to go to brunch downtown. Half way through my journey to her place, I realized I had forgotten my cellphone. I thought, "Ah, she'll probably have her name on the callbox and I can just call up to her apartment that way." However, the callbox only listed apartment numbers and I didn't know her apartment number. After walking around Cleveland Park looking for a pay phone (I'm convinced they no longer exist), I bit the bullet and drove all the way back to Silver Spring to get my cellphone to call her to tell her I was standing right outside her building 30 minutes earlier and was coming back down to get her. Silly, right?

Anyway, my original point about how technology ingrains itself in our lives is more specifically (today) about MySpace. I recently started seeing a wonderful woman I met on JDate. She's beautiful, she's smart, she grew up in a foreign country, and she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. As with my lingering insecurities, after our second date I was concerned that perhaps she was loosing interest in me - but she quickly quelled my fears with an adorable e-mail that greeted me after my 6.5 hour drive from Hell on Sunday. Today, I discovered that I can expand my Top 8 to as many as 24. I expanded to 16 so I made room for my friends that I have shunned from my Top 8 in place of family members of mine that are on MySpace (I give family priority). I decided to move the new woman in question up the ladder to the number 4 space on my Top 16. Afterwards, I clicked on her profile and found that I had been moved up to the exact same spot in her Top 8! I felt this warm feeling and a wide grin came to my face. It's kind of silly that I could get such a feeling from a seemingly meaningless website, but that is how much these kinds of things take over our lives. After reading this paragraph again, I kind of feel like King Dorkus but oh well - C'est la vie!

Let's see...is there anything else that's on my mind besides Mel Gibson finally coming out of the closet as the rabid Anti-Semite he is, Joe Lieberman getting what he deserves for deserting the Party, the on-going "crisis in the Middle East," or yet another American athlete proclaiming his innocence after testing positive for testosterone-enhancing performance supplements? My favorite line regarding that last issue was when Steven Colbert said (something to the effect of:) "He has an unusually high level of testosterone flowing through his veins because he is an American and our bodies produce naturally higher levels of testosterone."

Okay, I Can't Take It Anymore...

2006-07-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

I have to comment on what's going on in Israel/Lebanon...

This is from a comment I wrote to MSNBC the other day regarding their question as to whether or not Israel's incursion into Lebanon was justified:
This is the second most just war Israel has ever faught. The first one was for their independence in 1948. The fact that this war has nothing to do with a land grab and truly is action taken in it's own defense should relieve Israel of the unfair treatment by the world press. Everyone has been painting the Palestinians and the Lebanese as victims. While I agree that their CITIZENS are victims, Israel is not solely to blame for their squalor and lack of safety. The leadership that THEY ELECTED is responsible for provoking Israel. The Lebanese have long allowed Hezbollah to be an active part of their government and the Palestinians overwhelmingly elected Hamas to be an intricate part of theirs. How can Israel be held responsible for defending herself against two terrorist regimes that are hell bent on detroying her? The Lebanese and the Palestinians should know by now that any attack on Israelis is returned 10 fold by the IDF. This has proven to be a very effective measure for Israel and will continue to be as long as their neighbors continue to be irrational hate mongers.

The following is an excerpt from Lou Dobbs' Commentary on CNN.com:
After a week of escalating violence, around two dozen Israelis and roughly 200 Lebanese have died. That has been sufficient bloodshed for United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan and British Prime Minister Tony Blair to join in the call for an international security force, ignoring the fact that a U.N. force is already in Southern Lebanon, having failed to secure the border against Hezbollah's incursions and attacks and the murder and kidnapping of Israeli soldiers.

I will comment more as the war progresses. I've got plenty of ammo - so to speak - that I am saving for one long ranting-and-bitching session on here. Stay tuned!

Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead!

2006-07-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's finally happened! Halliburton has lost it's multi-billion dollar contract with the Army! This is the beginning of the end of Big Oil and a clean sucker punch to the Bush Administration. I think this is very telling of the growing frustration with the leadership of our country as our Armed Forces publicly expresses its discontent with the illegitimate campaign Bush staged to launch our brave men and women into Iraq, and ultimately the diabolical hands of the world's terrorists. I think it won't be too long before we see Cheney and the other leaders of Halliburton being thrown up on the stand pleading for their freedom (Hopefully, for their sake, many will take the easy way out like Ken Lay). I, for one, am ecstatic that I will not be paying my hard earned tax dollars to those thieving crooks any longer. That is all.

It's About To Get Harder Out There For A Pimp...

2006-06-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

...and other things that are currently racking my brain. Republican Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa is proposing a pimp tax on the floor of Congress in an effort to 'bitch slap' the underground flesh trade in this country. So, in essence, he wants to say to pimps, "Bitch betta haaaaave mah money!" Doesn't imposing a tax on an illegitimate business make it legitimate? And if it is now a legitimate business, should it not also be legalized? I've never understood why prostitution is illegal. Prostitution is a (no pun in tended) seedy business, don't get me wrong. But if you add a legitimate aspect to it, where who-ahs (Had to go "Sopranos" there for a sec) have to fill out W-2s, submit to STD tests at least once per month, contribute a portion of their salary to FICA, Social Security, and Federal/State/Local taxes, file tax returns every April, and you give them benefits like healthcare, vacation, and profit sharing, I think it would cut back on the amount of women being forced into prostitution and/or being held in the business against their will. To quote a great man, George Carlin, "Selling is legal! Fucking is legal! Why isn't selling fucking legal?!" Because, whether we choose to believe it or not, Judeo-Christian "morality" dictates the laws of this country.

Speaking of morality, and something that usually goes hand-in-hand ("morally") with prostitution, I'd like to talk about...Gambling! I rented a beach house with my friends last week in Ocean City, NJ - a simple 11 mile jaunt from Atlantic City. After visiting the Sin City of the Mid-Atlantic region twice during the week, I have come to the realization that I no longer wish to gamble there ever again. Let's get past the obvious reality first that Atlantic City is a dump, there is NOTHING to do there other than gambling, and there is only about a 4 month window when it's nice enough to enjoy the beach. That said, the people who gamble there for the most part are wretched wastes of human existence with whom I would not socialize with for a million dollars. If you've ever been to a casino in America, you've seen the type: The fat ugly androgynous individual who plunks their obese ass onto one of the tiny stools in front of a row of slot machines and hogs about 4-5 of them at a time for about 8-10 hours per day. On Saturday when I went back on my own, I saw a "Pat" win a few hundred dollars on a slot machine and he/she kept playing the other slot machines and was completely catatonic to the fact that he/she had just won money. How addicted do you have to be to not even react to winning money. Hell, even Bill Gates would clap his hands and jump up and down and squeal like a high school cheerleader if he hit the Triple 7s on a slot machine! Or maybe I'm just playing out a fantasy in my head. :-P

I guess I didn't have as much on my mind as I thought. I think I did the other day when I began thinking about this blog entry. Oh well...I can always come back and write more. :-)

Ciao, bambinos!

The Fucking-Up of Marriage Act

2006-06-06T09:05:00.001-07:00

I'd like to give my own two cents on this issue (based on the news items and op-eds that have been delivered on the subject by NPR over the past few weeks/months). It really is a major problem that Bush is putting this up before Congress when he doesn't even have the political backing needed to pass such a vicious piece of legislation. As Patrick Leahy said, this would be the first time in US history that an amendment to the Constitution would limit the social rights of US citizens. It would also be the first time in history that bigotry would be written into "the law of the land." Furthermore, why does the Federal Government need to be involved in an issue that has been more than adequately handled (albeit not necessarily fairly) by the individual states since the passage of the Defense of Marriage Act. Their argument is that the majority of Americans oppose gay marriage. However, there are a few states that allow gay marriage, so obviously the majority in those states are in favor of same-sex marriage. Anyway, I think that the only states that are worth living in now (or eventually will) allow same-sex marriage, so why not just leave things the way they are and let the backwards redneck states that oppose gay marriage continue to roll around in their bigotry and those of us with brains and compassion can continue to live in our (much more superior) states and be happy. I realize this kind of talk could buy me a one-way ticket to Gitmo, but one of my current dreams is to be the best man at my best friend's wedding (that would be Brian)...or at least I'd like to be in the wedding party (since Jeff might beat me out as the best man). Sorry for the novel, but I needed to get some of this off my chest. Sorry if I offended anyone. But seriously, f*ck anybody who denies anyone the right to marry any person they want (provided the 'person' is a consenting adult human being...not, say, a 15 or 16 year old girl who is given away to an older man by her family that opposes Gay Marriage...'cause THAT poses NO threat to the institution of marriage). That is all.

The Brilliant Minds At Verizon

2006-06-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

So I cancelled my landline with Verizon back in November yet I still get statements every month for $0.00. So...let's see...since November they've spent $2.34 to mail me statements that they won't be making any money from. Then yesterday I received a rebate check from them for $.03. Three FUCKING cents! They spent another 39 cents to mail me a check for 3 cents. So now their grand total is $2.76. They spent $2.76 to give me back 3 cents. I almost feel stupid depositing it into my account. I guess I could go to a Checks Cashed place and give them a penny as commission. As stupid as Verizon is, I guess you have to admire their commitment to customer service. That is all.

My New Addiction...

2006-05-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended one of the greatest events I have ever seen. It was an open mic night at Busboys and Poets in DC. The event was a collaboration between the Washington Jewish Music Festival and Peace Cafe. Every single participant had a different style, but the theme was constant: Peace. White, Black, Arab, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, tall, short, fat, and skinny alike came together with a united hatred for injustice. I wrote a song at 10:30 on Tuesday night especially for the event. I still have yet to work out the kinks in the melody but I got my point across. But onto my original point of this post: A couple of members from the Guerrilla Poets of Washington, DC performed their original spoken word/slam poetry. I have seen it on TV before, and usually about sex or another not-so-important issue. This was the first time I've ever seen it in person and heard it speak on the topic of injustice. I was fascinated by the rhythmic motion of the words and ideas - the way they were crafted - the brilliant rhymes - the inventive analogies. It was truly invigorating. If event like this took place in every major city of the world on a weekly basis, we would all get along a lot better.

Needless to say, I am now obsessed with spoken word/slam poetry. Today, in between writing contracts and such, I managed to write my first piece. It is called "When Bill Clinton Was President." Just a warning, this gets vulgar at points. Enjoy:

When Bill Clinton was president
It was evident that prosperity was his intent
Yeah he fucked up and
Let interns suck his nuts
So what?
That's HIS issue with HIS wife
Not the top news story of the night
The man's platform was tight
Economic and social bliss, not a war in sight
No one died when Clinton lied
Not just appeasing his base to save his own hide
He was a peace president just looking for some tush
Not a war monger like George W. Bush

Clinton loves black people
George Bush hates them
Unless they're Alan Keyes or Michael Steele and not a Dem
Fuck it, Clinton loves all people
Bush only loves those who pray under the Wall Street bell

Bush is a FUCKING weasel
Only in the Middle East to collect more FUCKING diesel

If it were up to me Clinton would be
My president for eternity
The world would rejoice in eternal fraternity
Hands across America - you remember that joint?
It was short, sweet, and right to the point
I know some of y'all don't love the man like I do, so I don't mean to disappoint

But we don't need a leader who's tough on terror
We need someone who can win an election without a chad-counting error
To teach our people how to love and to feel
Not how to cheat, pillage, rape, and steal

Whether we like it or admit it or not, the world looks to us
We have to set an example of peace and love, cous'
Like my man Shahid said, we're too caught up in material goods
Let's stop, look, listen, and let's help out the 'hood

I'm mad, are you mad?
The people we elected to fight for us sit there just looking sad
And don't even get me started on Darfur
Our country just turned out the light, pulled the shade, and closed the door
I bet if they had oil we'd be there in a second
But until there's an economic interest, our "leadership" will remain deafened

We'll have to rise up as one and beat them to the punch
Just like our nation's students, everyone's entitled to a hot lunch
If our Government's not behind us, then fuck them
Let's go there ourselves and try to solve the problem

Thank you to people like George Clooney who use their power for good
They use it to encourage positive change like a good leader should
Bono, Jagger, Sarandon, Sting, McCartney, and yes, even Puffy
Just 'cause they're rich doesn't mean their stuffy
I propose we make this group our new administration
Kick the current one out, string 'em up, and sentence them to castration.

When Bill Clinton was president everyone, EVERYONE was happy
Now we're afraid to go outside, pick up the phone, open up to one another, that's just crappy
Where is the next Bill Clinton to lead us out of the darkness?
He, or SHE, better come quick before we're in eternal emotional starkness

Hope you enjoyed it. :-)

To My Favorite Irish Matriarch...

2006-05-10T07:31:00.000-07:00

...I knew the news wouldn't be good when I got a vague voicemail from my dad telling me to call him in the office right away. Last night, my Aunt Sylvia passed away loosing her all-too-short battle with cancer. Many of you don't know that both my Aunt Sylvia and my Uncle Richard were both quite big names on Broadway back in the day. You may remember Aunt Sylvia from an Arnold Bread commercial in the 80s in which she portrayed a grandmother in a rowboat on a lake sharing a sandwich with her grandchild. Her most famous role, that I can remember, was as Maria, the Dutchess of Dene in Me and My Girl in the late 1980s.

From my earliest memories, I always think of her as one of my favorite family members. With her stiff Irish brogue, her hip attitude, and her warm embrace, she was hard to forget. She called me "Eric, my little Viking" and insisted on branding me Erik the Red. :-) She must have had ESP because NOW my hair is beginning to turn a brownish-red. I feel eternally guilty for not seeing them as much as I would like over the last few years. The last time I saw them was at my nephew's bris in October of 2004.

Uncle Richard is one of the toughest dudes I know on the Upper West Side. This man took on The Donald! Of course Trump paid off the right people and crushed Uncle Richard's efforts (or here's the NY Times article), but he put up a hell of a fight! He lead the angry residents of his (Landmark status) building, The Chatsworth, in a fight against Donald Trump and City Hall. If you follow The Apprentice, you'll remember the 2nd season winner Kelly Perdew. He chose Trump's project in Manhattan which was a massive apartment complex on the Upper West Side. That complex was built not just in front of The Chatsworth, but virtually ON TOP of it. There was a 3-foot retaining wall that was owned by The Chatsworth. However, Trump claimed to own it, and according to the corrupt individuals at City Hall, that was eventually confirmed. He built on top of the retaining wall and now the Eastern wall of that building, at points, sits less than a foot from the Western wall of The Chatsworth. More so than the complete obliteration of their view of the Hudson River and Northern New Jersey, this has also made for a very unsafe fire hazard for the centenarian building that once housed such celebrities as Susan Sarandon, Conan O'Brien, and Brenda Vaccaro.

They say that husbands and wives tend to emulate each other. I believe that the inner and outer strength of both Aunt Syl and Uncle Richard only became greater in the company of each other. Hey, they've lived in the same apartment on the Upper West Side since 1961...they've seen it go through gentrification and re-gentrification...those are some tough people. There is no official word yet about her memorial service, but I will post info once I have that information available.

Rest in peace, Aunt Syl. You will be sorely missed.

Fumbling Bleepin' Idiots and Cerebrally Insufficient Assholes

2006-04-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

That is truly what the FBI and CIA stand for. So it's been 4.5 years since the worst terrorist attack on US soil and probably one of the worst single-day catastrophes of modern times. Why have we not been able to find anyone of substance to prosecute. Is Zacarias Moussaoui really the best we can do? I was inspired by a CNN article I just read regarding the bombing in Egypt on Sunday. It appears the Egyptian authorities have already arrested three suspects. Now obviously it's too early to tell if they are the right people, but the last time there was a bombing there, the Egyptian authorities had their suspects named and had their pictures up (although they were incredibly grainy) a mere two days later. By the way, my old college roommate contributed to that last report. I'm so proud of him.

So my question is why are the Egyptian authorities so much more effective at finding perpetrators than our most top secret agencies? Perhaps we should start hiring Egyptians at the FBI, CIA, and NSA? But seriously...after 5 years of holding over 500 people in Guantanimo Bay and supposedly "scouring the earth" for suspects, we can only come up with one guy? Moussaoui? A mental patient who has embellished his connection to Al Qaeda in order to be martyred? And we wonder why we're the laughing stock of the world right now...which is quickly becoming an ever-growing hatred.

I also heard this morning on NPR someone (who was interviewed in a really redneck-bumblefuck area of North Carolina) say that "when we are outspoken against our elected officials it gives the enemy ammo." I swear...if one more person says that...to the moon, Alice! Being outspoken against our elected shitheads is what makes this country AMERICA. If you tried doing that in one of the many countries that Bin Laden has lived in and/or been kicked out of, you would get your head chopped off. If anything, seeing how we have the freedom (and "audacity") to blast the idiots in charge should piss him the fuck off!

And now with Bush's approval rating at an all time low of 31%, he has decided to put the brakes on our Strategic Petroleum Reserve program to "make more oil available to consumers." Wouldn't it make more sense to do that AFTER the probe into gas price gouging? Not like it's going to go anywhere with Bush behind it. That pig fucker gave $2.6 billion in tax breaks to the oil industry! WHY DO THEY NEED A TAX BREAK?!?!? They're making record fucking profits and I owe $350 in taxes?!? What the everlovin' fuck is that about?!?

And breathe...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.

Okay, I'm fine now. Back to work...

4-2-0 on N-P-R

2006-04-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, did I have a surprise on my drive home from work yesterday. I was listening to NPR as I always do, when out of nowhere comes a story about the history of the significance of 420 (4/20, 4:20, IV:XX, etc.).

I must applaud NPR for their continued effort to reach for the younger generations. In doing do, they have not only expanded and diversified their demographic, but they may have also sparked a much needed nationwide debate about the legalization of cannabis (or weed, mary jane, puff puff, shrubbery, pot, sticky icky, herb, herbals, marijuana, trees, bud, cheeba, chi-cha, dope, reefer, grass, the chronic, ganja, or sensimilla). The fact that it was talked about on NPR now gives us all a free pass to talk about it at work (while maintaining that we do not engage in it).

That is the beauty of NPR - Since they are so well respected (and the respect has been earned through decades of spectacular programming), they can report about virtually any hot button issue and take some of the heat off. So, bravo to NPR for giving some much needed credibility to a subject this reporter feels very strongly about.

Happy 4/20 to all those who celebrate!

Okay, So I Lied...

2006-04-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

...I said I would "write more later" in my last blog entry but I obviously didn't do that. Things got really busy for me and I just didn't get back to it.

I'm up in NY for Pesach (or "Passover" for our Gentile friends). Mom made a kick-ass Seder (not Seader, ass!) and we all had a really nice time. I had the pleasure of learning that my 16 year old cousin drinks and her 14 year old sisters are probably not too far behind. I'm not berating them for it, I'm just a little shocked as to how fast kids are growing up these days. I didn't get drunk until after I graduated from high school. Now kids are praying to the porcelain God on their 13th birthdays. And I remember back when I was in high school and thought everyone who smoked weed was evil...boy did I learn my lesson. I don't think I've ever met one evil stoner...well, maybe one or two...put they were also cokeheads in the off-season.

My adorable nephew is finally starting to get some words out. He's got this new trick with a little "my first laptop" sorta deal where it asks him to find a number or an object and he gets it right every time...and the kid is only 19 months! Shit, I'd have trouble finding half that stuff and I have a college degree! It took him a little while to warm up to me but I think he eventually realized that we're family. I really feel like I'm missing out on a lot of his development being 250 miles away. My therapist suggested making videotaped messages for him, but I feel like he would get the feeling I was dead and I don't want that. I guess I'll just have to make more trips up to NY...'cause you know, putting 19,000 miles on my car in one year wasn't ridiculous enough.

I also updated my myspace page so now it's got a background, a song, and some fun graphics. I particularly like the animated graphic of the Bassett Hound driving a car. It kind of reminds me of my ex-girlfriend, but I still think it's cute.

Okay, well I'm off to help my parents look for a new oven/stove-top and cellphone (I know...they don't go together right?). NY car show at the Jacob Javits tomorrow! Woohoo! I will report back hopefully with some pictures.

Long Time No Blog!

2006-04-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

So it's been quite a while since my last blog entry. I was on a cruise last week with the family. I know - "poor baby" right? It was definitely on the Top 3 list of best vacations I've ever been on. Number 1 will always be when I went to Italy with my parents and sister in 1997. But this was the first cruise I've ever taken as an adult (the last one was when I was about 15 or 16). It's so liberating to be able to not worry about being too young for this or that and to be able to wander off on my own without my parents worrying too much about me. Of course when I went off on my own in St. Maarten (not to be confused with St. Martin, which is the French side of the island) I was offered cocaine and ecstacy...yes, I "just said no." My response was simply "I'm going back on the ship and I don't want to get into trouble" not "Hey, man. I don't do that stuff!" :-) When my dad and I went into town the first time we were offered a ride to a "House of Ladies" as soon as we stepped off the water taxi. You gotta love Amsterdam's satellite campus in the Caribbean. :-D

Mid-week I was up $260 in the casino (blackjack is my game, baby) thanks to the lovely Poula from Ecuador but quickly lost it to Liza from Australia and Gabriella from Romania (naughty little minxes that they are). It was worth it for the fun flirting we did though.

- WILL WRITE MORE LATER -

The Names Have Been Changed To Protect The Stupid

2006-03-21T05:58:00.000-08:00

Inspired by a piece I heard on NPR, I began to think about the political labels we use to describe people, hot-button issues, and crappy jobs. Granted, some of the labels, such as the ones to replace crappy job titles, serve a good purpose of making an individual feel better about their dire straits. If I were a garbageman or a janitor, I would certainly prefer sanitation engineer. Or if I were a dishwasher, I would enjoy being called a untensil sanitizer much more.

But when you really boil down some of the terms we use today to make ourselves feel better, smarter, or less guilty some of them really do not make any sense. For instance: My good friend from college, Tyler, is black. Many would call him African-American, but as he is quick to point out, that is simply inaccurate. His father grew up on the island of St. Vincent and has West Indian and Welsh genes in his bloodline. His mother grew up in Philadelphia and her family has been in America for quite few generations. So at this point, if we were to attach any foreign label to him, Caribbean-American would be much more accurate. On another note, you'll notice I said "West Indian" instead of Native American. I absolutely detest the term Native American, but although West Indian is no more precise, it is historically more respectable. To call them Native Americans is to imply that America was already established when they settled on the Great Plains. I like to call them aborigines, but people often associate that term with the indigineous people of Australia.

The element in the NPR story that inspired my line of thinking was a discussion of the hot-button terms pro-life and pro-choice. The commentator made the excellent point that everyone is pro-life, so to call anti-abortionists pro-lifers is pretty silly. Pro-choice makes sense because they are people fighting to keep the choice to get an abortion legal. It wouldn't be right to call them pro-abortionists because I don't think anyone is truly in favor of having/performing abortions. It's pretty ironic that people who are anti-abortion are usually pro-death penalty. It would make more sense to call pro-choice people pro-life since they support abortion to save the life of a mother or spare the treacherous life of a child who would be born to an unfit parent and usually are not in favor of capitol punishment. Perhaps a better term for pro-lifers would be pro-Government-interference-in-the-personal-medical-decisions-of-American-citizens? That would cover abortion and euthanasia!

There are a few other PC terms that I do agree with - flight attendant [instead of steward(ess)], chemically inconvenienced [instead of stoned], Asian [instead of oriental or trying to figure out what country their family is from], and Latino [instead of hispanic or *see Asian*].

I hate "Happy Holidays," "Holiday Party," or "Holiday Bonus" when it is so obviously meant as "Merry Christmas," "Christmas Party," or "Christmas Bonus." Although I do not celebrate Christmas, it doesn't make me uncomfortable if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas or invites me to their office Chrismas Party or if my boss gives me a big fat Christmas Bonus. As I said this past "holiday season," "I don't care what you call it as long as you are giving me money. You could call it Jesus Dollars for all I care."

Well, I've been writing this blog entry for the entire freakin' work day, so I'm going to end it here and concentrate on the last few hours of the business day.

TRUE American Idol

2006-03-16T06:36:00.000-08:00

...in true American fashion, I have decided that I am way too lazy to continue to write my comments of American Idol every week.

I will just say that Taylor, Mandisa, Chris, and Paris are awesome. Everyone else sucks. Melissa deserved to get booted off the show, even though I will miss looking at her. ;-)

In other news...I posted a comment in response to a blog entry on the Huffington Post. Unfortunately they didn't post the damn thing...Bitches. Anyway, Norman Horowitz is my kinda Jew. He's like me in that he is simply a cultural Jew and does not necessarily believe in a higher power. I personally believe there are strong cosmic forces governing our respective fates in this universe, but I definitely don't go for the old-man-with-white-beard-on-a-throne-in- Heaven thing. He was poking fun at Ben Stein, a wayward Republican Jew (or "RepubliJew" as I like to call the heathens) famous for his monotone comedic delivery. On his CBS show, Ben Stein proceeded to preach about the suppression of religion in America. Apparently free religious worship is under attack in America. I think the only religious worship that might be under attack in this great land of ours is Islam. When a small group of Muslim men tried to complete one of their 5 daily prayer sessions at Giants Stadium, they were arrested for conspiring to terrorize. THAT, my friends, is religious persecution. One reader, who made the first comment to Mr. Horowitz's post, bitched and moaned (and falsely stated) that the Constitution merely protects freedom to worship and not the freedom to comment negatively about those who clutch said freedom of worship to their collective bosom. Pretty much every comment after that one bashed the first guy, but I think mine was witty, so I wanted to share. The winner for the dumbest comment goes to "DirtyDawg" who stated: As for Ben Stein, who in hell keeps putting his mule-like face in front of us - jeech, reminds me of the teacher in Ferris Bueller, even sounds like him. Wow...that is pretty fucking stupid. I don't remember exactly what I wrote in my comment, but it basically went something like this:

To suggest that there is a move to suppress free worship in this country is ludicrous. In a time when televangelists are getting $13 million advances for book deals (Joel Osteen), I hardly think Americans are in any danger of losing their faith.

The simple fact of the matter is that in this age of constant surveillance by our Government, the media, and our neighbors, we hear about every little thing that goes on in everyone's lives. Our nation's youth (and many adults) have always, and will always do stupid, violent, and/or destructive things for the remainder of our existence. However, since the media is in a perpetual "sweeps month," the newshounds will try to find anything even slightly controversial to report about just for the sake of their precious ratings. For instance, all of the sudden newer generations seems to be developing new and rare allergies and diseases. It could be because parents have been so frightened by the media that they slather their children in anti-bacterial soap, put Diet Coke in their bottles, and don't encourage them to go OUTSIDE to play with their friends.

The bottom line is that the Constitution does protect your right to worship God or Dog - unless it is conducted in a Government-funded establishment. However, it also protects the rights of those who want to berate your religion, appearance, family, or whatever else bothers us about you.

Consider yourself enlightened.

American Idol - Competition Week 3 - Wrap Up

2006-03-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: I have a pretty nasty head cold, so this might not make any sense...

So Chicken Little is safe for another week. Looks like my predicitons for the men were dead on. Tonight Will Makar and Gideon McKinnery went bye-bye. I don't know how much longer Chicken Little has, but his reaction tonight was priceless. I thought the kid was gonna have a heart attack. I guess I have to be proud of him since he's from Long Island.

Bo's performance tonight was a little disappointing. It sounds like he's still on the drugs. He nailed most of the song but had quite a bit of trouble hitting some of the higher notes in the chorus.

I think The Idol would run a lot smoother if they got rid of Paula Abdul. If I have to listen to one more canned utterance from her I'm going to toss my TV out the window. And for fuck's sake, go easy on the Botox!

I wasn't surprised to see Kinnik go, although when she sang tonight she totally nailed her song. If she sang like that last night she might not have gotten voted off. I am sad to see Ayla go, but I have a feeling she will be signed very quickly.

Okay, I just don't have the energy to write anything else. That's it for me tonight...

American Idol - Competition Week 3 - Dudes

2006-03-08T17:26:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this while I'm watching tonight...Hey, a new concept. It doesn't help that I'm sick and my hearing is severely diminished, but I'll do my best.

Gideon McKinney is really getting on my nerves. He's a good singer, but he's way too Little Richard to be a modern pop star. Chris Daughtry needs to get a recording contract asap. He completely trumps any blue eyed soul rocker on the radio today. He has incredible vocal control and quite a remarkable stage presence. Then there is little Kevin Covais...or "Chicken Little" as he is referred to on the Vote For the Worst website. Okay, he is a good singer, but that lisp kills everything. I feel like people like him right now because he has that "three-legged puppy" appeal. He's socially awkward, he's adorable, but it's quite painful to watch him walk like a four-legged puppy. You know I like Bucky Covington. Tonight's song didn't really hold my attention because I didn't recognize it, but he still rocked out. Will Makar will go home tomorrow night. First, I would like to clear something up: Ryan Seacrust said that "How Sweet It Is" was a song by James Taylor. Correction: James Taylor had a number one cover of the song in 1975, but it was originally recorded in 1964 by Marvin Gaye (and Makar's arrangement was much closer to the original recording). Secondly, Makar cannot sing his way out of a paper bag. He is so uncool it's not even funny. If he doesn't go home tomorrow, something is wrong with America...or his family invested a lot of money in auto-dialers. Taylor Hicks, man...Wow! Lay off the drugs, bro! When I heard the opening notes of "Takin' It To The Streets" I was really happy that he was about to tackle some Michael MacDonald. Perfect song choice for him. However, he looked like he was having a seizure when he was dancing to the chorus. If he gets some dancing lessons he could be a great stageman. I was very disappointed in Elliott Yamin. The song was way out of his range and it was not his style. I have to agree with Simon on this one. He is trying too hard to stray from the "rocker" label they gave him and Chris at the beginning of the show, and he should just embrace it. Man, I hate Ace Young - but in the jealous way. I can totally see this guy being the next Justin Timberlake. He pulled a play from the Jose Sway Penala playbook by doing virtually an entire song in falsetto, but he definitely pulled it off. This kid is in no danger of being sent home just yet.

I will leave on this final thought - I think they should call the "female dog pound" the "pussy pound." But I guess they can't say that on Fox without getting heavily fined.

Stay tuned for the wrap up after tomorrow's results show. Oh wait...I almost forgot...On that Vote For The Worst website, they exposed Kellie Pickler as a liar. I knew it!

American Idol - Competition Week 3 - Ladies

2006-03-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

Well, tonight the ladies proved why they have gotten to the Top 8. Everyone was fairly strong tonight, although there were a few minor wrecks along the way.

Paris Bennett - She had a good time and got the crowd moving as always. However, she was off key through most of the song. It was definitely her weakest performance yet. I don't think it will hurt her standing on the show, but I think tonight definitely took her down a notch.
Lisa Tucker - Excellent performance tonight. She's a really powerful singer for her size - incredibly vocal control. But, I agree with the judges in that it was a little too old of a song for her. I would love to see her do some younger, hipper stuff.
Melissa McGhee - She totally reminds me of Melissa Etheridge - in a good way. She's a real powerhouse and I don't see any signs of her slowing down at this point.
Kinnik Sky - Oh baby, so disappointing tonight. I was a big supporter of hers in the beginning but she really bombed on this one. She was sharp and off-beat the whole time. Ugh.
Katherine McPhee - I'm not a big fan of the "McPhever" thing that Seacrest started tonight, but that's not her fault. She really impressed me this week. She finally showed some soul and controlled her pitch brilliantly. However, I think it's pretty hard to do justice to Aretha if you're not Aretha.
Ayla Brown - She did an uptempo song! Yay! Unfortunately, now we know why she has shied away from faster songs. She was tripping over the beat and her notes. She's a beautiful girl and she's got a great voice, so I don't think tonight will hurt her too badly. The most amusing part of her performance was watching her stand next to Seacrest and tower over him like he was an ant. :-)
Mandisa - Wowwwww! She is so entertaining to watch. She always steals the show. I would love to see her in concert! Like I said, if she doesn't win the Idolship, she will definitely be getting a contract.
Kelly Pickler - I experienced Deja Vu tonight...wait, it's all coming back to me...Kelly Clarkson circa 2000. Kelly Clarkson goes from "cute sweet girl" to "hot independent vixen" overnight. I'm not a huge fan of overnight makeovers, but she is quite a looker. She's lucky that she's devilishly cute, because her voice and utter stupidity are really starting to get on my nerves.

Well, I feel like crap, so I'm gonna go to sleep. I hate coughing...Coughing sucks.

AI Competition Week 2 - Wrap-Up

2006-03-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, well I didn't see the show last night...probably a blessing in disguise. But, I am 75% happy with the results. Thank G-D Brenna got voted off! That bitch deserved to get offed. As I said, I think America got really turned off by her fake confidence and drunk-ass cokehead attitude. Good riddance to bad trailer trash. Then there was Heather Cox. I think I was dead-on with my criticism that she is simply not a star. She's got a nice voice and she's kinda cute, but in the end she doesn't have the "It" factor - or to borrow from a book I just started, she doesn't have the "L factor" (or Likeability factor). David Radford, as I've said from the start, is a one-trick pony and America doesn't want another Frank Sinatra when we've already got that genre covered with Michael Buble and Harry Connick, Jr. I was very disappointed that Sway got voted off though. Granted, he did drop the ball on Wednesday, but I think there were more deserving candidates to get voted off the island. On another note...I heard that Carrie Underwood's single is "Jesus Take the Wheel." WTF is up with that? Well, eff her man. Keep an eye out for my new single, "Jews - The Chosen People." :-P

American Idol - Competition Week 2 - Boys and Girls

2006-03-01T19:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I missed half of tonight's episode with the fellas, but I made some superficial assumptions based on the 10 second clip at the end of the show. But first, the ladies:

Katharine McPhee - She was all over the place pitch-wise, she was shaky, and it was overall a terrible performance. And what the hell was she wearing? It looked like a maternity dress!
Kinnik Sky - I am all about black women singing country music. It's like a new trend...seemingly, anyway. She was sharp through most of the song, but she proved that personality is a large part of performing. Personality and showmanship-wise, she hit it out of the ballpark.
Lisa Tucker - She was fairly pitchy in the beginning - certainly not her best performance - but she brought it on home towards the end. I am still amazed by her mature stage presence for such a young girl.
Melissa McGhee - I wasn't a big fan of hers last week, but she wowed me this week. I love that great smoky voice she has. She picked an excellent song that really showed off her range. I was very impressed.
Heather Cox - This girl is not going to make it much longer. She is certainly not a star. She chose an incredibly safe song and didn't even sing it well. Blah.
Brenna Gethers - Okay, I know it's nerve-wracking up there, but she missed the first line of her song. That is the musical equivalent of falling flat on your face during your triple sow-cow (to use a recent Olympic reference). She was off-key throughout the entire song and she still has that "drunk skank" thing going on. I can tell that the judges are all very uncomfortable around her and I think America is starting to get that sense that as well. She will definitely not be the next American Idol, but I don't know when she will get booted off the show either. But I can't stand watching her, so hopefully sooner than later.
Paris Bennett - I still think this girl is absolutely adorable. It's impossible to dislike her. I agree with the judges in that she picked the completely wrong song. We all love to see her doing the upbeat numbers that get the crowd on their feet. But I admire her for wanting to show off other genres she is capable of pulling off.
Ayla Brown - She did a great job but...SING A FRICKIN' FAST SONG FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! All of her songs are ballads! I would love to hear her do something upbeat. But she really does have an amazing voice. And she's absolutely gorgeous and cute. I definitely see her going far.
Kellie Pickler - Kellie, Kellie, Kellie. This girl is lucky that she is adorable and has a classic sob story. She is not a strong singer. Her song started out wonderful but then she lost it halfway through and then completely killed it at the end. And she has that annoying Celine Dion stiff-as-a-board posture with that robotic arm-swing. Ugh.
Mandisa - Finally...she is definitely one of my favorites. What a powerhouse this woman is. She was a little pitchy throughout but her vocal quality quickly makes you forget any technical mistakes. She also knows how to dress really well for her plus-sized body. She's elegant, powerful, talented, and she will definitely get a recording contract out of this exposure no matter what happens.

On to the fellas...(Keep in mind the first 6 are assumptions based on the clips at the end):
Taylor Hicks - He did "Sunday Morning" which is a great song choice for him. He seems to really pick songs that fit his vocal style. I could definitely hear him tear up a rendition of "Vehicle" that might even put Bo Bice's version to shame.
Elliott Yamin - The amount I heard sounded boring, but then again I didn't hear it all.
Ace Young - Poor song choice, but I don't think he can damage his cred too badly...the ladies love him.
Gideon McKinney - He seemed to be better than last week.
Kevin Covais - Jeez...someone please drag him out to the shed and put him out of his misery already. He's got a great voice, but definitely a face for radio.
Sway Penala - He definitely did not match last week's performance, but he did a very nice job. I think the judges made some bad calls on this one.
Will Makar - He still has that "beyond-his-years" stage presence, but he's just not doing it vocally. He's really boring.
Bucky Covington - I would love to hear this kid do a classic rock cover album. I bet he could rock the hell out of some vintage Allman Brothers tunes. But tonight's performance was pretty forgettable.
David Radford - This kid is painful to watch. He picked his own shit and couldn't even sing it well. I've said it before and I'll say it again - One-trick pony.
Chris Daughtry - He had a bit of a rough start but really swung for the fences once he added in his own variations. He truly stood out in the recap at the end of the show.

Okay, well I really barfed that one out. I am so tired. I promise next week's coverage will be better. Stay tuned for the results blog!

Senator John Kerry - Politician, Humanitarian...Stand-Up Comic?

2006-02-28T18:48:00.000-08:00

Tonight I had the pleasure of seeing Senator John Kerry give an open forum Town Hall at the Historic 6th & I Synagogue in downtown DC. Although I did not have a very favorable opinion of him before tonight's event (since the '04 election I had grown to bemoan his every utterance), my mind has been completely changed and he really convinced me that he is at least trying to make this country a better place. He started off with a few jokes - most notably: "It's been two full weeks and Vice President Cheney hasn't shot anyone yet" and "The only good thing about the Dubai Ports Deal is that at least we know Haliburton isn't in the Ports Management business." He then got quite serious about the alarming state our country is in. We are facing record deficits - including a snowballing trade deficit with China, - we are dealing with millions of Americans without access to decent and affordable healthcare, the situations in Iraq and Afghanistan are getting worse by the day, and our administration is outsourcing our national security to the highest bidder. Senator Kerry reiterated his brilliant healthcare plan that was shot down in Congress whereby 97% of all Americans would have access to the same healthcare that senators and representatives now enjoy, and it could all be paid for by eliminating the tax cut for the wealthiest top 1% of this country. I would think most Americans, particularly those who have to pay insanely high premiums or do not even have the option to access healthcare would be open to the idea of making the richest Americans pay some tax on their millions and billions.

Here I go getting all riled up. I think one of the best lines of the night was when Senator Kerry talked about our nation's dependence on foreign oil - "Last month the President told us that our nation is addicted to oil. No, Mr. President, your administration is addicted to oil."

Well, that's about all my brain can report back at the moment. I'm off to watch the American Idol I recorded on Tivo this evening. Stay tuned for Competition Week 2: The Ladies.

Eff Friendster, Man!

2006-02-26T09:18:00.000-08:00

Because Friendster decided to be stingy and only allow the last five or so posts to be displayed on my blog at any given time, I have decided to move my blog here. Blogger allows my older posts to be archived so no one will ever be deprived of my wit and wisdom. :-P

Nothing too exciting going on in my life right now...but I am still waiting to get paid from that voiceover I did for YouthAIDS. Carlyn Davis Casting doesn't know me too well (since they've only gotten me one gig in the five years I've been registered with them), but I can be quite pushy when I need to get paid. I just sued an ex-roommate for $710 (Security deposit plus court costs) and I won. I have the judgement sitting right here in front of me. Don't think I'm above calling his job and letting them know I will be garnishing his salary. Muah-ha-ha-ha! Nothing like beating up on a nebish! :-)

Anyway, I have stalled going to the gym long enough. And here I go...

AI Competition Week 1 Wrap-Up

2006-02-26T09:06:00.000-08:00

I watched half of the excruciatingly bad results show last night. The whole "we'll find out...after the break" bullshit is really getting old, even thought it's become Seacrest's trademark. He did shock everyone when he announced one of the booted male contestants BEFORE the break ("We'll find out...right now!"). The gasp from the audience was priceless.

So I think I was right on the money with my booting predictions...except, unfortunately, for Becky O'Donohue. I would have thought her looks alone would have carried her until at least the second week of competition. Well, if we're lucky, she will go back to modeling and have a singing career on the side. The sweet advantage to being a beautiful woman with a voice is that you can star as the "hot girl" in your own videos! Of course Maxim Magazine dredged up pictures she took with her twin sister some two or three years ago, so I don't know if that hurt or helped her popularity-wise. I really think that drunk-ass cokehead sorostitute, Brenna Gethers, should have gone. I think America let it be known last night that they do not like her.

I was hoping America would keep Bobby Bennett in for one more week. You can't tell me that kid is not entertaining. If I were Steve Wynn, I would give that kid a 10-year contract at Mandalay Bay. The voting out of Stevie Scott and Patrick Hall was well deserved. They both blew big time and let's not forget who criticized both of them. Although I was a little off by thinking maybe Patrick Hall would last a little bit longer. But America must have seen what I saw Wednesday night.

I will make my Top 4 prediction right now and we'll see how close I get: Ace Young, Paris Bennett, Taylor Hicks, and Kellie Pickler (even though she sucked on Tuesday).
(Originally published on Friendster - 2/24/2006)

American Idol - Competition Week 1 - Continued

2006-02-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

Last night the 12 male contestants took the stage. Once again, I must praise my Tivo for allowing me to watch a 2-hour program in less than an hour. :-) Without further adieu, on to the criticism!

So 13 minutes into the show, the first singer took the stage...
Patrick Hall - He chose a Melissa Etheridge song, which is a weird choice for a man to begin with, but he chose "Come to My Window" which is about her having a secret love affair with a woman before coming out. The song didn't show off his range at all and when he did try to stretch his vocal chords he was sharp. I think he's also kind of doofy looking, so we'll see what happens tonight when the votes are revealed.
David Radford - This kid is a one-trick pony. He said in his video montage that he "doesn't want to be labeled as a crooner" but he sings every song like a very, very drunk Dean Martin. He's very reminiscent of that red-headed kid from a couple of seasons ago...John...something. Exactly...
Bucky Covington - Great rock voice, good performer - BUT - He looked like he was missing a guitar (he seemed to be strumming a non-existent axe the whole time). He's got a great classic rock voice, but I can't imagine him tackling another genre. Hey, Bo Bice did it, so why not Bucky Covington?
Will Makar - "ABC" is a pretty ambitious song I think - especially for a guy to sing. He hit his notes, but without an iota of soul (I'm big into the "singing with soul" thing). But he has a very mature stage presence well past his 16 years and the ladies seem to like him, so I could see him going quite far.
Jose "Sway" Penala - I assume "Sway" is his gang name, but maybe I'm just being racist. I honestly didn't care for him much until his performance last night. At first I was disappointed that he would do an entire song in falsetto but then I remembered how hard it is to even sing a couple of lines, much less an entire song, in the upper register like that. This kid is going to go very far.
Chris Daughtry - Great performer and great vocal control. He's got an awesome Scott Wylan quality to his voice and I could definitely seem him fronting a very successful band. My only advice - SHAVE THE DAMN SOUL PATCH! IT'S NOT COOL ANYMORE! (Personally, I never thought it was cool)
Kevin Covais - Alright, he's from Levittown, NY so I have to go easy on a homeboy. He has a spectacular tone to his voice and he can really belt it. But, he always looks like a scared puppy in front of the cameras and - not like he can help this, but - the lisp drives me insane. I can't see him being very marketable in the music industry unless he stays in the studio and never tours. He's like William Hung but with talent.
Gideon McKinney - He chose a very safe song and didn't show any vocal range at all. I agree with Simon and I too am bothered by his smile. He's way too Broadway to be mainstream.
Elliott Yamin - I thought this song was too low for his range and he struggled to hit some of those lower notes. But he definitely picked it up towards the middle and finished strong.
Bobby Bennett - This guy is hilarious - like a cross between Rip Taylor and Cab Calloway - but how the hell did he get into this competition? I'm shocked...particularly based on the judges' superficiality over the last few years.
Ace Young - This can't be his real name. It's got to be a stage name. Regardless, he was born to rock. He's got the likability/heartthrob factor that will make the ladies loose their shit. The fellas will love to hate him.
Taylor Hicks - I love this guy. He is absolute entertainment. But - I think the Ray Charles thing is going to get a little old after a while. Regardless though, this guy is pure soul. Rock on, brutha!

I will give my Competition Week 1 Wrap-Up after tonight's show. Stay tuned...
(Originally published on Friendster - 2/23/2006)

Waiting For Paula's Head To Explode...

2006-02-26T09:04:00.000-08:00

Okay, well I decided tonight that I'm going to start giving commentary on American Idol after each episode. It remains to be seen how long I keep up with this, but here it goes.

Firstly, Paula needs to stop using words that are too big for her feeble brain to process. She is such a dumb, dumb woman and it is painful to hear her try to make profound statements. It's almost as if she has one of those electronic thesauruses underneath the table. It's almost as painful as watching Bush speak.

Anyway, onto my criticism of the contestants. Tonight the women took the stage in the first real show of the season. Thank G-D I had it on Tivo and was able fast forward through all the bullshit little video montages of each contestant's "journey to American Idol." Blech. Gag. I also had to blaze through the endless commercial breaks (seemingly after each sentence that Ryan Seacrest managed to barf up).

The first contestant was Mandisa - Just Mandisa - Like Cher or Bono. I thought she kicked off the night on a great note. She has an impressive, very real voice and I could see her being the Aretha Franklin of our generation. I know that's a weighty statement, but I was quite impressed. Then came Kellie Pickler. I think the only things she has going for her are fiercely adorable good looks and a sad story about her incarcerated dad. However, she really failed to bring it tonight. I honestly don't think she is cut out to be a professional singer...well, maybe if she had a year or two of intense vocal training. She's definitely got that "likability" factor that Paula and Simon love to harp on, but she needs to work on the vocals big time. Becky O'Donohue - Hot, hot, hot! I agree with Simon that "visually [she] is a 10." She had a good time with her song. She definitely has that Joan Jett hot rock-chick thing going on, but her vocals were very disappointing. Next was Ayla Brown - Another very cute kid, but unlike the previous two, she can actually sing. She certainly wasn't the best, but the sista's got pipes. Next was my personal favorite - Paris Bennett. This girl is so adorable, genuine, and gracious that I would be very saddened if she didn't make it to at least the Top 4. Granted she has the advantage of being in a musical family (I think an aunt of hers was a famous singer at one time), but she is vocally spectacular. She did "Midnight Train to Georgia" and pulled it off better than any cover I've ever seen or heard. She certainly did justice to Ms. Knight and her Pips. I am blown away by the fact that she is only 17 and completely upstaged every other singer tonight both vocally and stylistically. It's hard not to fall in love with this kid, and I think she's going to go far. Stevie Scott - Ugh...Why is she in this competition? She said she wants to be the female Josh Groban - She's more like the female Britney Spears. Terrible. Then Brenna (Didn't catch her last name) took the stage. From the opening notes I knew it would suck - and it did. It sounded like she had a piece of bread in her mouth the whole time. To steal a play from Simon's insult book, it was like a bad karaoke. She's like the drunk sorority girl that even the guy who's fraternity nickname is "Date Rape" wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot pole. Then there was Heather Cox. Pick a song in your range, sweetheart. To again steal another coined term from the AI judges, her voice is so 'affected' - the fake vocal cracks and raspyness - can it. Ugh. Melissa McGhee - Rough start but picked it up towards the middle - then drove a fucking stake through the heart of the song towards the end. Woof! Next was the lovely Lisa Tucker. She's got the whole Mya look going on, and she did prove she had some pipes early on but I thought her performance tonight was lackluster. I felt like her onstage Diva attitude was undeserved and her last note was like a car alarm. I think Kinnik Sky was treated very unfairly by the judges. She has the diva-quality voice to match the stage presence. She's like Mary J. Blige meets Toni Braxton (in her balladeer days). And then the final performance of the night - Katherine McPhee - Zzzzzzzzz. Wake me when it's over. This girl doesn't have an ounce of soul or cool. She's got a nice voice, but I think Simon's "best performance of the night" crown was completely unwarranted. They should seriously all watch the show on a television. I think we all hear something different at home. So, my Top 4 for the night were as follows: Paris Bennett, Mandisa, Ayla Brown, and Kinnik Sky. I predict that Stevie Scott and Brenna will be the next contestants to go home.

If I can force myself, I'll have another report tomorrow on the gentlemen.
(Originally published on Friendster - 2/21/2006)

ACLU - Americans Contemplating Legislative Usurptation

2006-02-26T09:03:00.000-08:00

So it's been quite a few days since my last posting. It's about time I get my ass in gear, huh? So Laura and I went to this ACLU National Town Hall meeting today at GW University. The discussion topic was Secret Government Wiretapping and the Abuse of Presidential Power. Pretty much everyone on the panel was in agreement that President Bush overstepped his authority and his administration is an 'effing' mess. Although there was this one panelist who was a fellow at some law school and she was trying to (poorly) defend the wiretapping. If she had prepared some thoughts and was able to present her case without tripping over herself she might have been able to make some intelligent points. But alas, the point was proven that you really can't defend this administration - You can merely sidestep the conversation and change the subject. Larry Tribe, senior law professor and author from Harvard Law, is probably one of the most brilliant minds I have ever witnessed. Everyone, except for Ms. I Don't Prepare For Arguments, made good points that the warrant-less wiretapping and other methods of secret surveillance are unconstitutional. However, I was rather disappointed that no one brought up one major point - We HAD intelligence about Al Qaeda and a memo was given to President Bush before 9/11 saying that Al Qaeda operatives were poised to hijack airliners and crash them into landmarks. If we didn't use that information and beef up security at all the airports what the hell is the point of collecting evidence? Larry Tribe had a great line - He said that rather than Bush "connecting the dots," he's "collecting MORE dots." The FBI has 1200 pages on the ACLU. First of all, what the hell is that information. Secondly, who the hell is ever going to sit down and go through all that shit? Instead of wasting Government resources gathering information on groups that we KNOW are not involved in terrorist activities, maybe they should devote their efforts to capturing Osama Bin Laden?

If the Government overhears an Al Qaeda operative tell someone overseas that they plan to execute a suicide bombing at a shopping mall in the US what good would that do for us? They obviously couldn't tell everyone because it would create widespread panic and destroy our economy. But just the same, what would they do? Send the national guard to every shopping mall in the country? There are more malls in Paramus, NJ then there are airports in the entire country! Plus, with our military and law enforcement already stretched to the maximum due to the needless war in Iraq we wouldn't even have the manpower to execute such an operation. So collecting information on everyone is just a waste of taxpayer dollars and just another way to keep all of us in a constant state of fear.

Just some ideas to chew on. Let that marinate a while. :-)
(Originally published on Friendster - 2/20/2006)

Why Couldn't It Have Been the Other Way Around?

2006-02-26T09:02:00.000-08:00

So as I sit here suffering through an episode of "The War at Home," (how the hell is that still on the air anyway?), I have discovered some serious entertainment. Not on TV, not on the radio, but on CNN.com. Vice President DICK Cheney...get this...SHOT a fellow hunter! He was on a quail-hunting trip (should have been a Quayle-hunting trip...hehe) at a ranch in Texas this weekend and "accidentally" shot and wounded 78-year-old Harry Whittington, a lawyer from Austin. The greatest quote from this story was from Katharine Armstrong, the ranch owner - "Fortunately, the vice president has got a lot of medical people around him and so they were right there and probably more cautious than we would have been," she said. "The vice president has got an ambulance on call, so the ambulance came."

Well, I'm pretty much out of anything interesting to say at the moment. I did learn a lesson this weekend though - if you want a good size snow storm to come to your area simply make it a point to say that everything a meteorologist says is complete and utter bullshit. :-) At least it's not as bad as NY or CT - they got over 2 feet of snow! Okay, I'm gonna go watch the rest of this Family Guy episode. Later, loyal readers!
(Originally published on Friendster - 2/12/2006)

Free Tibet (My Game Is Blackjack...)

2006-02-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

I just had an epiphany today. Why is it that people have these stickers on their cars such as "Free Tibet" or "Save the Whales" or "Fur is Murder"? Have any of these people ever attempted to free Tibet, save a whale, or opt for cloth seats in their car or canvas shoes for their feet? I had quite a bumper sticker library back when I had my Jeep, but they were all political messages that everyone (well, at least LIberals) could relate to ("Regime Change Starts at Home," "Don't Pray in My School, and I Won't Think in Your Church," and a few John Kerry stickers). I don't understand the concept of telling other people to do things which you are implying that you yourself are involved in when it's quite obvious you're not. That would be like me having a bumper sticker that says "Eat healthy" or "Don't be self-deprecating." I have made the executive decision not to put any bumper stickers on my Honda. However, I willingly accept static clings that I can put on the inside of my rear windshield. Right now I have an "I Love My Honda" cling, which is true (I really do love my car), an NPR decal (I listen every morning and evening going to and from work), and a WETA member cling (I paid my $35 like everyone else!). So you won't find any bullshit on my car.

Another thing I have recently observed is that people who drive really slow and hold up long lines of cars on our nation's highways and biways tend to have a lot of rear-end damage on their vehicles. :-)
(Originally published on Friendster - 2/9/2006)

Isn't It Ironic (Don'tcha Think?)

2006-02-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

I'm sure by now most of you have heard about the controversy surrounding some political cartoons that were reprinted in a Danish newspaper depicting the Muslim prophet Mohammed as a terrorist - basically saying that extremist Muslims are partly to blame for the negative world view of Islam. Personally, I think they are mostly to blame, but that's my opinion.

The thing that really gets me though is the fact that many Muslims took to the streets to protest the cartoons. The protests themselves were not the ironic factor - if someone made a cartoon like this about Judaism I would be out there too. However, they are protesting a cartoon that says all Muslims are terrorists by burning down a Danish Embassy, destroying Danish products, and chanting "death to Denmark!" I never thought I'd ever hear anyone wishing ill on Denmark, but the actions of the protestors seem pretty "terroristy" to me. Don't you think they could have collectively taken a deep breath, say "man this really pisses me off," and then say "hey, let's just have a peaceful protest and prove to the world that we are not violent by nature."? I guess not. Maybe the cartoons were onto something? They say there is at least a shred of truth in most stereotypes. I know many Muslisms who are peaceful, nuturing people, but there are bad apples in every group to fuck it up for the rest of us. If there was an El Jewda terrorist organization, I would organize as many peaceful Jews as possible and publically denounce them. If Muslims are so concerned about their image why don't they rise up against the terrorists that are destroying the meaning of Islam? I wonder what political cartoonist will have the balls to create a new cartoon depicting the violent response to the original cartoon.

Also, if anyone has a link to the cartoon, I would like to see it and make my own decisions about it. I can't find it anywhere because everyone's afraid of being a terrorist target. Wussies...all of them.
(Originally published on Friendster - 2/6/2006)

Thank You to Past, Current, and Future Loves

2006-02-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know me, you know that I have been hanging out with this wonderful woman I met on JDate. We have only known each other for a little over a week, but I feel like we've known each other for years. Well, anyway, the good times that we have shared combined with my becoming a stronger, more confident individual have inspired me to write a song. It's not a lovey-dovey song as you might expect from someone in the infantile stages of a possible relationship. It's more of a "casting off" letter to all the girls I've loved before - directed at some more than others. It's called "You've Been Replaced" and I would classify it in the punk genre (although I'm toying with other genres and melodies - possibly ska if I could figure out how to play that damn rhythm on my guitar). I would post the whole song, but due to crazy assholes patrolling the internet these days, I'm afraid that my lyrics might get lifted. I figured there's only so much they could do with just the chorus, but here goes:

Nowadays I have a smile on my face
I found a woman with style and grace
She can stop time, she can move space
Oh yeah, you've been replaced

Certainly not Shakespeare, but if you can imagine it with a fast, distortion-driven guitar riff it could definitely compete with the shit on the radio these days (not like that says much). I already have a storyboard in my head for the video: My walking through this crowd with a pretty lady on my arm, and all of my ex-girlfriends (well, paid hot actresses) come running up to me with tears in their eyes and I just shove my hand in their face and push them to the side. :-) Is it a music video or a fantasy? :-P

Well regardless of whether or not I still harbor any bitterness about my last relationship, at least I am now inspired to write. I haven't been able to write a decent song since my girlfriend before the last one. If I ever became a famous musician and had adoring fans they wouldn't know what to do with themselves after they've played out my latest album - it would probably take me three years to produce another one. :-D

Okay, well I have procrastinated enough today. I must go to Sears to buy a new mattres (leave off the last "s" for sleeeeeeeping), get my jiggly ass to the gym, and go to Ikea (in - ugh - Woodbridge, VA) to get a bed frame. Then - tonight - party party! Hellz yizeah, bizzle! Oh my...I need to stop having screwdrivers with breakfast. :-)
(Originally published on Friendster - 1/28/2006)

A Million Little...

2006-02-26T08:57:00.000-08:00

...shut the fuck up already! So he lied! Who gives a shit? Who did he hurt by lying? The only reason why anyone is hurt now is because the lie was exposed. Why don't Oprah and The Smoking Gun go after everyone who's ever lied to a 5 year old that there is a Santa Claus and Easter Bunny? Why don't we go after Disney for having live people inside those Mickey Mouse costumes? It sounds silly right? Then why does it not seem silly to expose a book - that has inspired millions of people, and probably convinced many formerly-hopeless addicts into rehab - as a farce? Moreover, I have now lost all respect for Oprah. When she called up Larry King and professed her support for James, I was very proud of her for standing behind him and coming to his defense (since he obviously doesn't have the balls to do it himself). However, now that her credibility is on the line, she has changed course and decided to invite him back on the show to berate him and his publisher for an hour. Why James agreed to go on is beyond me. Perhaps he felt guilty that she had come to his defense and basically made his career? Or maybe his publisher grabbed him by the throat and said "you're fuckin' going on there and you're going to straighten this shit out!"? Whatever the reason, Oprah is still a dirty whore for kicking him while he's down. Shame on her. And shame on Maureen Dowd for agreeing to be interviewed for her show and further verbally bitch slapping Mr. Frey. I had tremendous respect for both of them before the show, now I realize they are corporate shills just like everyone else.

I read "A Million Little Pieces" and it gave me hope during a very difficult time in my life. Had it not been for that book, I might have no hope of making my life better. Don't confuse this to mean I had (or have) a drug/alcohol problem. I never have and never will (I'm too cheap, and I'm a total light-weight). But I had some other serious problems in my life that I didn't think I could get through because I felt like the only one in the world who was suffering through it. He, through his book, virtually put his hand on my shoulder and said "Hey, this shit happens to everyone. You just need to make the decision to change yourself and you can do it. Look what I went through and I made it - so can you."

Now that I know that many of the stories in the book were embellished or completely fabricated, do I care? No. It still inspired me, and I hope that everyone else whom this book inspired feels the same way. But shame on the media for destroying the power of this book and depriving the millions of others who may have been helped by this book. It's not like he wrote a book about World War II and lied about the events that took place leading up to and during. He embellished elements of his own personal struggle to recover from alcohol and drug addiction in hopes of inspiring other people. If he merely wrote about how he was a drug addict and alcoholic and went through rehab no one would have published it. Sometimes you need to spice up the story to make it more compelling. How many times do Hollywood directors do that with biopics? I don't see Oprah dragging Oliver Stone through the mud!

I am so tired of media whores. I really hope James can finally grow a pair (or "strap on the balls" as my mom would say) and make a statement saying "Yeah, I lied about some of the aspects of my story. I wrote this book in hopes of inspiring people to better themselves. Now, because of some heartless, disingenuous corporate shills who only have their best interests in mind, scores more will be robbed of the chance to turn their lives around." James, if you're reading, let me return the favor and let ME inspire YOU. Stand up and be a mensch!

Okay, I'm done for now.
(Originally published on Friendster - 1/27/2006)

I'm Starting My Own Political Party!

2006-02-26T08:56:00.001-08:00

It's going to be called the "Sacks of Steel" party. Are you tired of pussy-ass members of Congress who don't stand up for what they believe in or the beliefs of the voters who put them in their cushy six-figure jobs? Are you tired of loosing election after election because your party can't find - on God's green earth - someone who is HONEST, not a MORON, and isn't a PUSHOVER? Are you tired of your party sitting idly by while the opposing party persists to strip away our Constitutionally-given rights?

Well, I am personally tired of all the bullshit. I want to start my own political party. It is for people with balls - and I don't mean physical testicles, because then that would exclude women and transgendered folk. The only requirements for joining my party are a commitment to fight for what you believe in, an unwillingness to negotiate with punk-ass members of Congress and succumb to political pressure (I thought we don't negotiate with terrorists?), honesty, not prone to bribery, and a willingness to fight for the interests of the people who elected you to office.

This snap in my psyche has come from an article I read today on CNN.com about how the Dems are not going to put up a fight for Alito's confirmation. I was livid. Now, I just found out (via my "breaking news" e-mail from CNN) that Kerry is proposing a filibuster. Great...just when I thought it couldn't get any worse the Dems send in Lurch. Just like the crowd-pleasing "I fought in Vietnam" harping he did up until the night of the '04 election (going against the wise advice of our Lord and savior, Bill Clinton), this filibuster idea is sure to give him the same high street cred with the voting public. It is so embarrassing to watch him try to be a cheerleader to a bunch of sackless losers. "Hey, come on guys! Where's your spirit?! Ow! Who threw that shoe?! Now I'm gonna have a bruise! I'm going home! Waaaaaa!"

Now, if Barak Obama or Joe Biden stepped up to the plate, I think this filibuster would carry a lot more weight. Kerry let the whole party down in the last election, so he has lost much of the respect he used to enjoy in Congress from his Liberal brethren. No one gives a flying monkey shit what he thinks anymore, so I doubt he's going to get any backing for this filibuster. If they succeed in getting a filibuster, the Senate floor will be about as packed as a Woody Allen film in East Berlin

Balls...integrity...honesty...progressiveness...a thirst for change...join the Sacks of Steel party!
(Originally published on Friendster - 1/26/2006)

A Real Head-Scratcher...

2006-02-26T08:56:00.000-08:00

I don't know if any of you have been following this story about a wayward bottle-nosed whale that inadvertently made it's way up the Thames River in London. A whale rescue group attempted to lead it out of the Thames back into open waters, but it unfortunately died en route. Almost immediately after the whale died, some jackass posted a fake whale watering can that they claimed was used in the rescue. Some people can be so sick. A lot of people did shit like that after 9/11, the Tsunami, and Katrina/Rita. I don't understand why people do that kind of stuff.

Anyway, today there was a follow up to the whale tale. Apparently the whale died of dehydration. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't dehydration a lack of water?! How the hell does a mammal - that spends its ENTIRE LIFE in water - succumb to dehydration? Couldn't it just yawn and solve the problem? They did say that it hadn't been able to feed for three days, so that is understandable that it died from starvation. But I think maybe dehydration is the wrong term to use. It just sounds silly to me. It would be like if I died from a lack of pasta. I spend a good portion of my life consuming that carb-rich, delicious Italian delicacy, so it would be nearly impossible for me to die from a lack of it - quite the contrary actually. ;-)

In other news, Chris Penn, brother of Sean Penn, has been found dead. I suspect it was either Billy Baldwin, Frank Stallone, or Eric Roberts. ;-) If you don't get it, don't ask. It's not funny if you have to explain it. :-P
(Originally published on Friendster - 1/25/2006)

Never Have A Milkshake On Your First Date...

2006-02-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

Well, my date and I had to learn the hard way that having a milkshake on your first date is not a good idea. Not to denounce milkshakes - because there's nothing like a good milkshake (especially with crushed Oreos in it...yum) - but I guess it's not good if you're prone to lactose intolerance and you're trying to get to know someone better. Perhaps the milk was bad? Maybe the waitress heard my comment about her name and poisoned us? Or could it be that our bodies were punishing us for indulging? (We were told by the hostess that our waitress' name was Britney and before she came to our table to greet us, I said "oh, so that's what Britney's doing now that her singing career is dead.") Thankfully we were both having a good enough time that we weren't going to let an upset stomach stop us from enjoying our night. But if you aren't sure about how you will get along with someone, it is a bad idea to have anything that rich in dairy. Just an FYI...
:-)
(Originally published on Friendster - 1/23/2006)

I Think I Honestly Don't Care Anymore

2006-02-26T08:53:00.000-08:00

Not what you're thinking...I care about my life and I'm actually quite happy with it. Hey, I lost 120 pounds last month! ;-)

What I'm talking about is politics and world events. I have been such a news junkie for the past couple of years - keeping up with the latest news from the government and other countries. I have recently reached a point where I honestly don't give a shit anymore. NPR ran the Alito hearings in their entirety and I was livid that they interrupted their normal broadcasting to cover it. All I want every weekday is to listen to Morning Edition on my way to work and All Things Considered on my way home. Is that so much to ask? Couldn't they pre-empt the Alito hearings and broadcast their two highest rated shows?! And that's another thing - I really don't give a shit about Alito. I don't care who is appointed the Supreme Court. No matter who Bush picks, it will be someone who is pro life (sorry, anti-abortion - to call it pro-life is to make it sound positive) and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Why bother with the hearings? We know he's anti-abortion, anti-healthcare, pro-war, pro-death penalty, anti-gay marriage, and anti-gun control, so why are we pretending that Bush would actually pick someone who didn't support his own ideals? Are we just trying to see who is the least extremist? I honestly think that Roe Vs. Wade is pretty safe. There are enough people in this country who support it and would fight to the death (ironically) to protect it. The Republicans are on this new kick to try to secure the female vote, so I don't think they're going to try to overturn Roe Vs. Wade anytime soon. What we should be concerned about right now is the fact that a majority of American voters (well, at least people who voted in the last election) do not favor gay marriage. Many states are rushing to adopt "marriage is between a man and a woman" amendments to their constitutions, and quite frankly, that scares the piss out of me. The anti-gay marriage people argue that letting gay people marry will open the door to people being able to wed animals, toasters, and their automobiles. Regardless of the stupid things that those douche bags think, the door that making gay marriage illegal would open would be far worse. How does it preserve the sanctity of marriage to force people of the opposite sex to marry? For anyone who is gay to have the same rights as a heterosexual individual, they would have to marry someone of the opposite sex. Well, that already did happen quite a bit with our parents' generation (the baby boomers). How many middle aged men do you hear about who were married for 25 years and then left their wives for their "bowling partners?" Whatever, I know I said I don't care about the issues anymore, but I guess I do. The fact that my best friend can't marry a man he wants to spend the rest of his life with makes me very sad for our country and humanity as a whole.

In other news, as mentioned before, I am having such a good time right now. For those of you who know me, I was pretty down in the dumps last month, but thanks to the magic of physical fitness, therapy, the beginning of a New Year, and pharmacology, I am flying high on life right now. I feel healthier than I ever have before, I feel more confident than ever before, and the world looks mighty good to me - 'cause tootsie rolls are all I see - whatever it is I think I see becomes a tootsie roll to me. Whoa! Where the fuck did that come from? Haha! Okay, that is all for today's episode of "Eric Shares Unnecessary Details About His Personal Life!"
(Originally published on Friendster - 1/21/2006)

Why Do You Have A Sports Car?

2006-02-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

I am really getting tired of these candy-asses who buy powerful sports cars and then drive 10 miles per hour. Why don't you just get a Hyundai or at least something more fuel efficient? Wow, I am really impressed that you spent $40,000 for you Mustang Cobra. You want to impress me? How about using the gas pedal! The one to the RIGHT of the brake!

I was driving down I-95 on Monday coming back from New York. I'm in the left lane going at a good clip - about 75 to 80 miles per hour. I noticed I was flying up on this Subaru WRX fairly quickly so I eased off the accelerator and by the time I was just about kissing the bumper in front of me, I had slowed down to 60...60 MILES PER HOUR in the LEFT LANE of I-Ninety-Fucking-Five! WTF? You have a 320 horsepower rally car, why can't you drive it like it's one? I have a Honda Civic with 125 horsepower and I'm blowin' circles around you! Come on! I'm not saying you have to drive it like a maniac, but standard for the left lane of I-95 is at least 75 to 80, not 60. And don't pull that bullshit that you're "trying to teach everyone a lesson to slow down." No, you're just a slow, candy-ass, poser with way more power under the hood than you can handle.

Just do us all a favor, and get the hell out of the left lane!
(Originally posted on Friendster - 1/18/2006)

Are You Fuckin' For Real?!

2006-02-26T08:51:00.000-08:00

So I'm up on Long Island visiting the folks this weekend. My aunt had a big blowout for her 50th birthday last night at this swank place. It was a great time, I drank more than I should have, had an unreal filet mignon, and I had my first cigar in more than 5 years (and quickly remembered why I gave it up...I'm still tasting it...blech). Anyway, back to the story. So, despite the fact that we mocked my grandma yesterday for telling us she heard it was going to snow over night, it snowed. When I woke up this morning we had a good 3-5" on the ground. I was stunned. But regardless, I wasn't going to let a little snow and ice prevent me from going to the gym. I hopped in my Honda, skillfully shifted my manual transmission, and got myself there safe and sound.

I did my 25 minutes on the elliptical, did my first set of crunches, and then took a lap. As I'm walking, there are two guys in front of me talking about the US airstrikes in Pakistan. One guy was saying to the other how he's glad we're going after Pakistan and not China (I don't get the correlation, but whatever). Then...THEN...this fucking ignorant shithead says "You heard about that stampede in Mecca? You can't tell me you weren't happy when you heard about that!"

ARE - YOU - FUCKING - KIDDING - ME?!

343 people die in a ritual that is mandatory in Islam and you can find a shred in your body that is happy about that? If this guy has probably NEVER left Long Island or met anyone who wasn't white, and if the only thing he has to go on to teach him about the outside world is the American news media, then I guess his ignorance is slightly understandable (but in no way justified).

Granted, after thousands of years of this ritual, and after the thousands that have died, one would think the Saudis would have this down to a science so the stampedes would not occur anymore. However, I guess it might run the risk of desecration to incorporate technology into such a sacred ritual.

How could someone say something so brazenly stupid in public out loud like that? I am immediately reminded of an old George Carlin bit where he talks about listening to peoples' conversations in public. He would have to determine whether the guy was "fuckin' stupid" or "fuckin' nuts." With this asshole in the gym, I would venture to say he's just "fuckin' stupid."

On another note, Iran's President Ahmadinejad annouced he will be holding a Holocaust Conference in the near future. The conference will be sponsored by Iran's Foreign Ministry and the Organization of the Islamic Conference "and in consultation with other countries to pursue this issue." Early reports have said Mel Gibson, Pat Robertson, and Ernst Zundel will be the featured keynote speakers. (Zzzzing!)

Now that 24 is finally winding down (I've been trying to kill time until it is off the TV...I just can't get into it), I'm going to start flipping around (probably to Cartoon Network for some Adult Swim) to see if there's anything entertaining on. Have a wonderful MLK Day everyone. Remember not only to enjoy your day off from work, but remember why you have the day off of work. Because of a brave man who stood up for what he believed in and fought with every fiber in his body to advance the rights of not just African-Americans, but ALL Americans. In the immortal words of Edward R. Murrow, "good night, and good luck."
(Originally posted on Friendster - 1/15/2006)

Thank You Apricot Rugelach...

2006-02-26T08:48:00.000-08:00

...for being so goddamn expensive that I didn't buy you at Whole Foods. You looked so delicious, resting in that little plastic container - particularly sitting next to the nasty-ass raspberry rugelach. Reading your ingredients - unbleached wheat flour, cream cheese, apricot jam, brown sugar - damn, you know how to attract me, my sweet. However, I know better than to get involved with you, foul temptress! Not only would you lighten my wallet considerably, but you would reverse the progress I have made at reducing the size of my body. I mean, you are healthier than any rugelach I would buy in a bakery or "fast food supermarket" like Safeway or Giant, but $7.00 for 12 pieces of rugelach?! You are a beautiful, delicious, satisfying specimen, but I am not made of money, sweetheart. Another man might fall for your lustrous gleam and spend his hard earned dollars for a mistress who will only leave him full in stomach, yet empty in soul. But not I, my old flame. In my weaker moments, I might have spent my last $7.00 on thee, but I am a stronger, better person now and I must bid you adieu. Our time together was fun, and I will always cherish those moments. But it is time we parted ways.
(Originally published on Friendster - 1/10/2006)